Monday, December 20, 2010

Shoplifting - Criteria 4 / Impulsive Behavior Part 2

Some days I see something small (it’s always something small) that I want but the price tag just isn’t acceptable. Who the hell pays $15 for nail polish? $9 for cheese? $40 for diet pills? $55 for a ring?
Sometimes it’s not even stuff that I want but the challenge itself that is alluring. I never NEED to do this, but the jolt of adrenaline that spikes my curiosity is irresistible.  It’s like a runner’s high that triggers your endorphins. The high lasts for hours. 
I really have no excuse for this. I was arrested for shoplifting when I was 16 but my record was expunged when I became legal. It’s a challenge, a rush, to see if I can get away with it, and I do. I no longer look like your typical teenage shock rock goth star. I don’t have the image that people notice on surveillance. I can palm something and have it up my sleep as it appears I am putting it back on the shelf in two seconds flat.
If I got caught the penalties would be devastating. I have a very professional career path that could be ruined but I don’t care. I do it anyways. Is it a cry for attention? Do I want to get caught? Hell, no.  I just want to get away with it, and get free stuff. Stuff I like to have but not enough to pay for it. Corporate America is greedy and materialistic. I don’t usually take from small vendors, mostly your mass produced consumer conglomerate like Wal-Mart or the like. They get things at whole sale and jack up the price 1000%. I know it only costs 10 cents to make this $10 tea tray, and yet, they get away with ripping me off every day.
A penny saved is a taste of their own medicine.


  1. i go through phases where I steal. I grew up with a really strict moral code and internalised it heavily, (i guess i was impressionable). So, I never lied or stole. (except white lies).

    But in the last year or so, I started stealing (btw, i'm not religious now and have no solid code so it's kind of a do as i feel thing). Again, it was the rush of getting away with it. I don't even think ahead to getting caught. I get cocky and maybe consider a half-baked excuse if i am caught.
    I only steal little things on occasion (purely mood-related), small food items etc. Nothing big. But i must have a knack since I've not been caught - yet! I know full well how dumb it is, but does that stop the impulse? not always.

  2. I know this is an old post but wanted to comment. I am bpd and have shoplifted twice this week. One was a christmas tree decoration which was £10 which i thought was highly excessive so i stole it to get back at the shop. The other was a set of chilli sauces which i thought would make a nice xmas present for my friend, even though i've already bought her something. again i thought it was overpriced. I would like to be able to say I feel guilty but I don't! I know I should. But the buzz was great. I haven't stolen for years and I'm going through a very bpd phase right now with lots of self harm urges which i haven't succumbed to. I think i wanted to reward myself with some other bad behaviour rather than doing the cutting. I gave the xmas dec to my mum when she came to visit so its not like i have anything to show for it. Now I need to stay away from the shops for a while because I don't trust myself not to do it again, and I don't want to get arrested just before the holidays lol.

  3. Are you kidding me? It doesn't matter how something is priced, if it doesn't appeal to you at that price, don't buy it and don't steal it. Your justification is complete bullshit. I am not a fan of Wal Mart either but I feel like I have the right to rip them off because of it. As a matter of fact, I don't feel like it's my right to take a damned thing from someone else, especially if it's not something that is taken to keep me alive, for instance, food from an abandoned store after a natural disaster. Get a grip and take responsibility for yourself, please. Otherwise, you should bid your fabulous career goodbye. Your attitude is clear evidence of your need to look yourself in the mirror and really decide if you want to behave like an accountable and decent adult.

    1. Thanks for your negative attitude. I'm completely aware my "justifications" are bullshit and stealing is wrong. It's a destructive impulse behavior that I've actually quit indulging.

      Get off your high horse and don't lecture me. I'm well aware.

  4. Heya..I came across your blog just few days ago..i guess it was meant to happen,i can totally relate to a lot of your posts. Your ability to pin down your experience is catching and i, as many , also have started reading from the very beginning. Since i haven't got till the fresh posts, i dunno how are you doing by now, i'll save it for dessert! I'm looking foreward to go trough all of this.
    As for this particular post - can totally relate. Been bulimic for 9 years and one of my top targets in the shops used to be foods, especially pastry stuff, since they often are not bar-coded. The second top priority - make-up and beauty stuff. I trained myself well to remove codes of the products . Now i don't do that anymore because i want to get back on the track and i'm afraid to lose my career. But i always got double satisfaction - getting new stuff to sooth my urges (like bulimia) and stealing from system which fools people. ..
    I'm sure u'll hear some more from me, if that's not too bothering for u!

  5. Someone I know with BPD has a shoplifting problem. Is this just her Borderline impulsivity or is it kleptomania? What's the difference between the two? The person I caught and if she gets caught again she may go to jail but it'll at least go on her permanent record...
    You seem to be entirely okay with stealing which you justify by telling yourself that these corporate companies are ripping you off....but still, what makes you above the law... Sorry if that sounded rude but this is one thing I'm failing to understand.
    It's like justifying an affair with a married man because his wife's a bitch. That doesn't make the principal of cheating any less wrong.
    And I don't think these 'small' slips in morality do anything good for your character. They just encourage more moral slips and justifications of wrong actions


Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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