Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Lack of Object Constancy

“Borderlines have problems with object constancy in people -- they read each action of people in their lives as if there were no prior context; they don't have a sense of continuity and consistency about people and things in their lives. They have a hard time experiencing an absent loved one as a loving presence in their minds. They also have difficulty seeing all of the actions taken by a person over a period of time as part of an integrated whole, and tend instead to analyze individual actions in an attempt to divine their individual meanings. People are defined by how they lasted interacted with the borderline.”

Object Constancy - They may have problems with object constancy. When a person leaves (even temporarily), they may have a problem recreating or remembering feelings of love that were present between themselves and the other. Often, BPD  patients want to keep something belonging to the loved one around during separations.


My therapist tells me I have a lack of object constancy.

Out of sight, out of mind: For me, I don’t believe people hold me in their memories. If I’m not around, or I am not in some form of contact/communication with them, I don’t exist in their world. I have an extraordinarily hard time holding onto the thought that people remember me, hold me dear or care for me when I am not in their physical presence. Out of sight, no longer connected. I'm sure to most people this is not how they perceive relationships (be it friendship, dating, familial). I think it should be a consistent progression of emotions and experiences that build together to form a deep bond. I also have a hard time holding onto the strong emotions I feel for those I care about, and when I do manage to I also manage to convince myself that I am the only one that feels this way and no one else could possibly share my depth of emotion though I desperately hope they do. This creates a feeling of panic and loss for something that may actually be there and I need to find a way to reaffirm these feelings in myself and others every time I am back in contact with them. It’s a maddening cycle of doubt, loss, connection and disconnection.

Holding Time:  I have a hard time holding together one event after the other. I remember events just fine, but holding onto the sentiment of events in series that something is bound. It doesn't always feel to me that everything is connected. One thing may happen after another, but it does not seem like things hold together in essence after the former has passed. Like if I'm gone too long, that I was there before will cease to be relevant. There is no continuum of events. Everything is like a single instance in time and I have to completely reestablish how I am connected to the event, the environment, the people every time.  It’s very difficult for me to remember that everything is NOT a series of individual events. They ARE a continuum. The attachment of one event bleeds into the sentiment of the next giving life to yet another. That continuum is what binds memories, sentiment, and relationships. Yes? At least that is what I imagine it should be. I imagine so, I don’t feel it.

I often have terrible anxiety when people leave. There’s a desperate need to understand how others feel about me, hold me to them, our connection, because I can’t hold onto this concept myself. On the other hand, when people do leave, abandon me, never to return, after a while it’s as if they were never in my life. I have memories of experiences with people, but no emotional connection to the memories. It’s like I’m remembering a story someone else told me. Sometimes this happens immediately, other times it takes weeks of panic at the loss before I break from the emotional attachment I’ve been able to build. Lately though, I notice this happening more and more quickly, with less time spent obsessing over every instance that lead to the break.

My dissociation helps me here because after the initial fear and anxiety, my emotions deaden. I become numb to the experiences I have just been through. I feel detached from my own body and it becomes logical that others wouldn’t be attached to me when I am not even attached to myself.

How attached are things, moments in time, events, really? How does it feel to be so strongly bound by sentiment that you feel indefinitely connected by a series of things? I simply don’t know.

31 comments:

  1. You remind me so much of my ex. She has the same afflictions as you do, only when I try to bring her issues to her attention (I never call her by any label)she gets defensive, and back pedals all of the obvious evidence she just gave me. Our "relationship", if you can call it that, has been nothing but psychological games, lies, and manipulation. It's fun at times, but pisses me off when I actually am being serious, do want to learn more about her and her overly emotional state, and she takes it as paranoia, and skepticism.

    She's incredibly stubborn, and wants to show the world just how tough she is, and has recently admitted to me that she has lost her compassion over the years. She doesn't understand why but doesn't want to dwell on her thoughts too much. To me all I hear when she speaks are the cries of a scared little girl.

    Justice (too lazy to do the other step :P)

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  2. I guess I'm fortunate in my ability to see my actions with some objectivity. It doesn't help the feeling of them, but clearly I'm not in denial. Your ex sounds like she was really insecure or maybe just immature. I used to get defenseive when I was younger, but eventually I realized that asking for help didn't make me weak. It just meant I was dealing with something bigger than I could handle on my own. You can be tough and have issues that you're working through. I've had people tell me repeatedly that I'm one of the strongest people they know to be dealing with so much. It sure doesn't seem like it some days, but I'm getting by, supporting myself.

    When you read suspicion and paranoid delusions into so many actions, especially from people that are supposed to care about you, losing compassion is almost a defense mechanism. Caring for people that you don't perceive as caring for you is a road leading to pain and unrequited effort. Pouring energy and emotion into something that causes such upheaval can make you feel like you're losing some of who you are because you're pouring so much into someone else. In order to hold onto herself, she might have had to construct walls to shield her from such things. All that does is create a way to hide from her problems though.

    Just a guess.

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  3. Your "guess" is very on point Haven, thank you.

    For the past week or so we have been having a "text" war. I'd rather speak in person, or at least by phone, but she has more control and can avoid me more if she uses text. I'm still able to hear what she isn't telling me through her words, but she disguises the "misinterpretations" as, "Texting glitches".

    For now, we are good. After avoiding me and my questions, and after I grew weary of the game and backed off, she finally told me what I wanted to hear and knew. Only when I get fed up is when she freaks out, and gives me what I was initially asking for. She's attracted to the drama. I do care for her the way I can care for a person, but I really don't have the patience for all of this. She does need to grow the fuck up. She is incredibly immature.

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  4. Drama prone. She sounds classic. Arguing creates enhanced attention and an outlet for volatile emotions. Texting being a need for her to have control but when you give up (abandon the situation) she loses her control, which causes her to freak out in a different way for fear of being left like you left the conversation, and then has to flip directions and give you what you want in order to re-establish the link to the attention she craves. Yeah, I know that game, it's exhausting. I don't have the energy for that.

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    1. I think texting allows for departmentalization as well. I am dealing with my wife on this. She does not think anything is wrong but i see most of the patterns in her behavior.

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  5. My goodness. I have been searching and searching for this issue I have with time & never even considered it was part of BPD! Thank you for so eloquently describing my thoughts exactly!

    Time is such a strange concept to me, and like you, I feel a sense of panic with regard to my past because it doesn't feel like I have actually experienced it. It's as if each moment I wake up from amnesia, only I do remember...I just don't connect to past experiences very well.

    I am wondering if you also have a strange connection to places. I am obsessively drawn to physical places of my past. This has lead me to drive to an old house I used to live in, go to a park I once played at. I've driven by old elementary schools, got out, & walked around. A theatre I went to with the ex. It didn't occur to me until now that perhaps I am attempting to anchor my past to my presence. As if these physical places hold the key to that feeling of continuity.

    Brilliant post. Thank you.

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    1. Hi, perhaps looking for places that are familiar are an effort to re-grow your child hood from the positive points. I bet the places you look for have positive memories attached to them. At least I hope so. this appears to be an effort at starting anew, trying to figure out when the bad started......Dr. CBJ

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  6. My connection to places is strange, but I have almost the same difficulty hanging onto my sense of belonging in a place, as I do holding onto my sense of belonging with people. It's like a vague de ja vu feeling kinda? I /know/ the place is familiar and I have memories associated with it but I never feel like the place has a sense of 'mine'. I have also lived a very transitory life. Since high school I have never lived in the same place for more than two years (twice in college but usually every 2 to 5 to 9 months or so I'd move) and I've moved every 6 months to a year since then.

    I do, do that when I go back to my parents house though. I'll sit in my walk in closet or on the floor of my bedroom for hours reading notes from middle and high school and walk the familiar route I used to roam every night, visit my park or my old climbing tree as a child, just to feel the neighborhood. Remember places I was supposed to belong.

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  7. i had already written a big comment and it vanished pft
    I dissociate daily and completely get you. i said to my shrink i don't think i love anyone, expcept my kids and my sister - she nearly died recently and i was shocked to find how attched i am to her. i am attached to my children, but apart from that. my frineds have no idea. i don't give a hoot about them. not really. i am not connected to anyone. i have ZERO object constancy. the only thing that has worked with my children and sister is that basic instinct to put their needs ahead of mine, in fact they are why i live. i have no purpose to live beyond that. i'm not suicidal, i just don't like life and really don't like people. well occasionally i do.
    i feel like a psychopath, but i'm not. i have bpd and completely lack object constancy.. completely.. due to a horrific traumatic event that took place when i was separated from my mother at 3. i have never been the same. i remember before that. and any feelings of comfort or love make me feel suffocated. strange hey?
    i recently slept with an old school friend and freaked out. i realized how i am totally unequipped for a relationship. he could see that in me and has stayed my friend. i am practicing on him to try to get close to someone. i can only do it if it remains platonic. even then i am dubious about my ability to truly care for anyone.
    it's not that i am cruel or mean. my psyche is completely shattered. after years of therapy and 43 years of age, i realize it will never be "right" but i try to work on it.
    i am able to let go of, detach from relationship losses so quickly now. it's amazing.
    that old dissociation kicks in.
    i am petrified of intimacy and petrified of people. this comes from extreme trauma and violence for many years as a child.

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  8. you describe my consciousness and I am grateful I don't feel so alone.

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  9. This is really insightful. I've cared for/worked with a few women with BPD and it was difficult at times. I would build relationships, closeness, trust only to find after a few days off that it all disappeared and I had to begin again. One of them was so angry at hearing I was going on a two week holiday that she tried to stop me by disabling me. (She tied string at the bottle of a door - if it'd worked I'd have smashed my head on a fire-hydrant and quite possibly broken my legs.)

    Dissociation from their past was prevalent though perhaps thankfully. They'd both suffered neglect and sexual/violent abuse at the hands of their parents. So much so that the one whose father had sold her tiny body (according to her and believed though never proved by social services) she seemed confused why we wouldn't want her to see him anymore. She always came back from visits distressed with violent mood swings, self harming etc. But give it a few days and she'd 'forgot' or it'd stop hurting. And a few more weeks she'd got back to visit him (if he bothered calling).

    I cried for many hours after work over both of these beautiful young women. In reality I probably felt more of their pain than they did for themselves. I'm bipolar i would guess we are the total opposite of this (although they often get similarly diagnoses - my psych thought I might BDP at first?) We feel everything and way too much. Hurts linger - we're generally forgiving and naive (if manic we can be totally taken advantage of because the reason facility seems to switch off completely - and id depressed you can hurt us because we feel we deserve it or don't care enough about ourselves to avoid or prevent abuse). We carry these hurts with us in our healthier more balanced times and they torture us there too. All we do is feel in fact. Heightened and debilitatingly.

    Thanks for this post, it gave me an insight into the difficult relationships I had all those years ago with my Lindsey and Samantha - both of whom i still miss today. And I doubt they even remember my name.

    Shah X

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  10. I can't tell you how amazing this article is that you wrote. You have a gift in your ability to translate into words exactly what is at the heart of the matter. Quite simply, you hit the nail right on the head. The way you have framed this issue and the amount of depth and insight that you give is just too valuable for words to describe. It is very eery reading it because you sound so much like my self-diagnosed BPD girlfriend.

    We've been dating for two years. A very tumultuous two years of break-ups and reconciliations. The way you put into words the concept of object constancy and how it relates to your own situation feels like it was somehow created specifically for me to find. Very weird, but very comforting.

    To give you a brief rundown on my relationship. We began dating in the process of me going through a divorce from a long marriage/relationship. Early on in the relationship with my new girlfriend, she confided with me while intoxicated (an important point which I'll come back to) that she thought she was BPD. I had never heard of it and I sort of dismissed it. Partly, because I didn't want to believe there was something wrong with her and partly because it was a completely foreign concept that I had never heard of. During the course of the next year, we would experience horrific fights, break-ups and then reconciliations. It was obvious early on that she had serious trust issues which she attributed to her dad for having cheating on her mom serially and then divorcing and leaving and starting a new family. She outwardly hates her father and refuses to allow him to be a part of her life, but inwardly does admit to loving him still. It's like she wants carry the hurt around by not forgiving him, because maybe it is the only thing that allows her to anchor something to the past. She is void of sentimental feelings for anything in the past and says that she has many moments during her early childhood and adolescence that she says she can't remember. Going back to the alcohol part, it's when she has been drinking that she seems to be able to open up and release some of these pent up feelings or emotions, and also that I learn some of the things that have happened to her in the past. I could go on and on in describing my experiences with her over the past two years. The main thrust of my comment that I wanted to make is that her lack of object constancy is such a very hard thing to cope with in the relationship. During arguments, I frequently accuse her of seemingly not caring for me or paying me any though when she is around other people or has something else that is compelling her attention. cont.

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  11. ...BUT, as soon as she is alone with her own thoughts with nobody else around then she wants to reach back out to me, and often times it will be a panicked reaching back out to me begging me to come over to her place, usually when she has awoken during the night or early morning. On a side note, she always has bad dreams. And says many of the dreams involve me and she can't find me. When we do spend the night together (which we do on most occasions), she often wakes up in the middle of the night and reach over to see if I'm there. This is what makes this whole thing so confounding. I know deep down that she loves me and it seems like when we're together she thrives off having me around and will assimilate many of things that I like doing. However, when she is with others or drinking it's like I don't really exist. But as soon as she's alone, poof! She craves me. She's either clingy or detached. At the end of the day, I love her. I love her more than anything. I just wish something would trigger and that she could emotionally hold onto the the sentiment of memories. She does do this with physical objects, such as if I give her a greeting card w/ sentimental meaning she'll be enamored by it and it seems to really have a profound impact on her. I have never met such a complex individual in my life. On moment, she can be everything I could ever want in a mate, emotionally connected and capable of such love. The next it feels like I'm irrelevant and but an afterthought. It's a real roller coaster. The weird thing is I think some of her tendencies have rubbed off on me. During our fights, there comes a point that eventually she reaches back out to me, whether it be a day or two after it has happened. I really do think we are tethered to one another, but during the fights I lose faith in that and it does feel like the end this time. But inevitably, we always come back to one another. As part of her has rubbed off on me, I do think some of me has also rubbed off on her. I just pray that she continues to grow and that one day whatever happened in her past whether it's a single isolated event or a series of events which cause this emotional upheaval in her life and to basically shut down her ability to experience sentimentality (a fondness of recollected memories) will one day flip back on then she can experience emotional growth and well being and it will be with me still a part of her life. Thank you again for putting your thoughts and experiences out there for us to read. I realize it's probably cathartic for you, but it's also a very unselfish thing you are doing.

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  12. You're very welcome. You're right, it is cathartic but I want to help anyone I can as well.

    It sounds like you've been through a lot, as I know many people who are in relationships with a Borderline have gone through. Unfortunately this problme with object constancy doesn't usually just flip back on by itself. I hope you can convince her to maybe see a therapist and work through the deeper unresolved problems that have created this defense mechanism. These things are not easy to overcome, but they are beatable! It just takes a little work.

    Thank you for sharing your story with me!

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  13. Interesting. I know someone like this -- not to the same degree, but you've given a name to something I didn't know had a name. Thank you.

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  14. Hello Haven,

    It's so nice to meet you. I came over because of the deja vu blogfest, but as I was reading this post, I couldn't help but fee like I was reading my own life. I thought, much like you did, that I was alone in feeling this way about things and people. It's so strange...thank you for sharing this again. I'm glad I found it.

    Keep writing. It's the only way I've found to make sense of anything.

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  15. Wow, I really relate to this!

    I was in a 10 month relationship with an undiagnosed borderline woman. As per the course, we immediately started spending every night together. After about a month (when her emotional dysregulation started to rear its head), I suggested - in a very patient and caring manner - that perhaps we had latched on to one another too quickly and that I should spend more nights at my place.

    The first night I spent at my place without her, SHE FREAKED!! She couldn't sleep, called me in a panic, and ate like a pound of candy. She was completely unhinged. That was a HUGE red flag for me.

    I came to learn about how lack of object constancy was related to a lack of 'internal constancy' about almost everything with my ex. She had no sense that, as per human relationships, one thing generally follows another. No grasp of cause and effect. Everything seemed to be a jumble of disparate events. There was no timeline or linearity. Even worse, when I tried to nail down a basic sequence of events in her life - if only for my own sanity and understanding - she would FLIP OUT, like I was trying to corner her or something. It was like if she actually put events in order, she would find out something that she really, really didn't like.

    What did I know then? I was just some poor schmuck trying to get a handle on things. Everything started to spiral out of control. I was in 'What the F__K is going on here?!!' mode. Little did I know that my ex LIVES in the land of 'What the F__K os going on here?!' and has no intention whatsoever of leaving.

    So I left instead.

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  16. This makes me feel a little less alone just for a little while - thank you

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    1. ::hugs:: We are many. I promise.

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  17. I have borderline personality disorder as well. I really relate to everything you said. I've always struggled with object constancy and it is horrible.

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  18. I have BPD too and i find object constancy a problem.. but i'm just wondering if anyone else also struggles with emotional constancy too?

    As in, for example, like today.. I'm feeling quite good now, happy and fairly settled, but I remember from this morning that I woke up feeling depressed and hopeless and not wanting to be alive.

    Now, I can REMEMBER this from this morning, but I can't even begin to FEEL any connection with those feelings, or any sense of them being on a continunum to how I'm feeling this afternoon.

    In a more broader sense, I find it impossible to understand or connect with how I felt in the past or might feel in the future in the present moment- even if I am knowing intellectually that 'things change'. If I'm feeling good, I can't imagine ever feeling depressed ever again! Or if I'm depressed, ever feeling ok again.

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    1. I have this problem, too and it is pribably the thing that bothers me most. My husband will try to remind me of how happy I was at some time and I rarely even remember the event let alone the feelings. I always feel as if I am missing parts of my life because I can't FEEL my memories. That's probably why the social worker at the hospital was alarmed that I could talk about seemingly painful events with a smile on my face.. The things I was talking about were just like a story to me.

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  19. I just wanted to say that I relate to *everything* in your post; it's so hard to have any sort of consistency in life, in relationships when my mind is so fragmented. My whole life revolves around trying to attach to someone at all times, and I often lose touch with reality when I can't "find" someone to connect with, which is often.

    And Anonymous, I too have a problem with emotional constancy- when I'm happy I think I'll never, ever be depressed again! I've almost left therapy on many occasions b/c I was sure I was cured, simply b/c I had "forgotten" how I felt the previous day or even that same morning; I knew how I felt but I felt no connection to those feelings. I think that's why the suicide rate is so high in people with BPD- you never think the pain will end, and you can't even remember a time when you felt okay. All there is, is the NOW, although that's ironic b/c BPD usually stems from abandonment trauma from the past, so you're stuck in the moment, with that moment being in the past (if that make any sense.)

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  20. I have a HUGE problem with this. My husband is currently in rehab(pretty much bc i pushed him over the edge before i knew i had BPD or even what it was, i was constantly pushing him away calling him names, trying to make him think he wasnt "good enough" for me) but i only did that bc i didnt feel good enough for HIM deep down. I had no idea what was going on. Well I always threatened to leave even tho i never truly intended to leave. When he wasnt trying to stop me i would go a little further. I started talking to other guys to upset it. I know i sound like the biggest bitch on the planet. I didnt understand why i did those things bc i loved him more than anything in the world and still do, but i was not used to being loved the way he loved me. He was soo sweet, understanding, intelligent, took care of me, would do whatever i wanted, pretty much worshipped me. Anyway, long story short, after 4 yrs of my verbal abuse, he turned to painkillers to cope(once i started talking to other guys). He is in a sober living facility now and he seems so distant. I dont feel like he loves me, and sometimes, even tho i know what im doing is wrong, i feel so sure of it in the moment. Like i will get the idea in my head that the reason he didnt call when he said he would is bc he is cheating on me. I will be sooo sure of it. I will be crying trembling, and feel like i wanna go find another man in an attempt to forget about my husband bc i dont feel he loves me and its so painful. When i start questioning his love for me, he hangs up now. He doesnt engage. He used to beg for me not to give up and tell me how MUCH he truly does love me. Not anymore. Im sure he's talked about me to his therapists and i keep thinking they are probably telling him he needs to leave me if he wants to have a good shot at staying clean. And i dont blame them but it kills me to think about that. I feel like im going insane. your blog helps me soo much i can relate to ALL of it. Anyway i have a huge problem w/object constancy so him being hours away and me having no vehicle, and him not calling as much as i think he should be KILLS me bc i think about HIM every waking second and think he should do the same. But i know thats not normal. I hate being like this :( I dont wanna lose him. And i know how i need to act and how i should but that just doesnt seem to be enough to stop me from acting on my impulses in those moments. & I am having trouble finding a good therapist. They all shy away from BPD patients is what one of my past therapists told me.

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  21. I forgot to mention...he does still tell me he loves me but he refuses to beg. If i start saying i think he is cheating he will hang up and ignore me which drives me insane. He says things like "I love u..stop this or im hanging up". I just dont feel it bc he doesnt seem to care what im doing or whats going on in my life like he used to. I know the way i feel is wrong and immature a wreaks of insecurity but that doesnt stop me..nothing seems to. :(

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  22. Thank you so much for such an enlightening description of object constancy - I've seen this happen with the BPD person in my life and although observable, I couldn't understand it fully. We've called it her 'reset button' when she acts in a way that is wholly out of context, without reference or even apparent awareness of what has gone before. I'm grateful that now I understand what is going on.

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  23. I relate to everything here.
    Its been about 10 months since I got to know about this term BPD. I have always thought things are wrong with me but somethings I feel may be I am just being rebellious like everyone my age.

    I might have BPD but then again there is a side of me which denies it. I cannot see a doctor. My boyfriend and I fight about this every night. One hour we will have a huge fight. Next hour he will lecture me and I will just pretend to listen. Next hour we are in love again. I will save numbers of doctors every night and tell him I will make an appointment next morning but same story every time.

    I fit into the symptoms, I do things which may be not everyone does.. But does this have to mean I have it?

    I am not even sure if I love my boyfriend anymore. I was telling him I love you and stuff just a day back, but I am confused now. He picks on everything I do. I don't meet him often, if we do, physically we are good, when we talk we fight. He is not a player like my ex. He is committed and has proposed me for marriage several times. But I still fight with him if he spends too much time talking to other girls.

    We were living together just when the relationship started, in fact that is the reason it started. Then we were in long distance for couple of months when I know I treated him badly. I have cheated on him unintentionally twice. Just a one time thing.

    I can't understand if everything I do is because of situations and is normal or something is wrong?
    Is it really abnormal to not like people?


    P.S. I am posting as anonymous but I am still so afraid of being judged.

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    1. Also I feel my boyfriend has also stopped loving me because of all my issues. He cares for me, but love I think is gone.
      I tell him to leave me alone but only to have him say that he won't and for him to try harder. I know I do a pendulum thing with him. I don't want him, but then if he is leaving, I don't want him going. He is a really really good guy and I don't want to trouble him. That's why I have asked him to not engage with the complicated me, but he says when I am good, I am the best.. So that good compensates for the bad. But I don't understand it.
      My mother also thinks one time I am all happy and cheery and next I am depressed, cutting.
      What do I do with my BF? He had a happy relationship for 5 years but the EX broke up because of family issues.
      I think I am doing worse.

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  24. I have just been dumped by my (I think BPD) ex of just 2 weeks. The very night he told me we were over, he went on a date with a woman that he had lined up the previous week. Not only that, but that weekend, he went and stayed the weekend with her and did the same this past weekend. As we are still living in the same sharehouse (different rooms) this felt like he was deliberately being disrespectful and cruel.

    I have been floundering to understand how he could do this and over the past week have come to believe that he is BPD. He has no concept of a temporal continuum and cannot fathom numbers or linear time/events.

    But, this post on object constancy has helped me to understand how/why he could do what he has done - at least, it has helped me to understand a little. I am trying to de-personalise what he has done/is doing, how he could quite happily move along while I feel like my heart has been cut out.

    Thanks for your explanation, it really has helped a little bit.

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  25. This makes me wonder about my ex gf. She has photos everywhere. Boxes of albums. She thought it strange that I never thought about bringing my camera wherever we went. Could photos be her way of connecting the past? Placing it in some sort of order.

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  26. I've come to find out that I have BPD. And since then, a lot about my life has been making sense. I've always chosen "clingy" dudes to have a relationship with, as they wanted to be glued to the hip 24/7 and never be away from me. Most normal people would find this annoying, but I loved it. Now that I'm dating a "normal" guy who has himself together, I see that I have a huge problem with "relationship constancy". If he doesn't contact me on a particular day due to work or being with family, it makes me feel like we're not together anymore and that the lack of contact is a hint that he wants to break up. In my mind, no contact = no relationship. Maybe I'm too used to my parasitic, clingy types. It's very tempting for me to see my boyfriend's autonomy as indifference towards me. I used to get huge panic attacks whenever I wouldn't talk to him. A web search on separation anxiety led me to info on BPD, and it's so comforting to know that I don't have an uncaring, neglectful boyfriend, I'm the one who interprets things differently (and, most of the time, very inaccurately). I feel that my emotional side is 5-6 years old. I'm lucky that I'm self-controlled enough not to blow up on him when I feel neurotic (I keep a lot to myself), but I'm now trying to figure out a way to tell him about my BPD, and especially about my lack of object constancy. I feel that this will help him understand me a whole lot better.

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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