Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Med Update

I’m exhausted.

I saw Psychiatrist Thursday (actually Psychiatrists PA).  She upped my Abilify to 10mg/day. So far I’m more fatigued than ever. I seriously feel like a zombie. I hate it. I have no drive, no motivation, no caring. My body feels sluggish and weighed down like someone turned up my personal gravity. Every movement is a major effort. This is not fun and it’s not ok. I have to go back next week to talk about how it’s affecting me so hopefully I’ll either be over the initial side effects by then or, idk. He’ll give me something new? I kind of don’t want to be on medication. Back to this. I know. I’m so tired of feeling so tired. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. My moods are mildly more stable but not in a significant way. I’m still depressed, but now I’m sluggish too so it’s harder for me to concentrate and exercise. Which makes doing anything that I love difficult to do. It even makes blogging hard. Seriously. I have a whole series of blogs I want to write concerning the neurological contributors to impulsivity except reading is just too tiring. Sitting upright takes to much energy. I went to the gym before work this morning and only managed a half hour of cardio and upper body lifting. Ok, before you get on my case that I was at the gym for an hour at 6a.m. anyone would be tired… this is not normal for me. The tired, not the 6a.m. 6a.m. is normal for me. I should have plenty of energy for an hour of cardio and lifting should not be a struggle in motivation. Additionally, I should have MORE energy after leaving the gym. Counterintuitive? Nope. I always used to feel more energized after working out. Now I just feel like I stole all the free weights, tied to ropes around my waist, that I’m dragging across the parking lot.
Part of the problem is, I was super fatigued when I went in to see her and I’m not even sure it’s from the damn drugs. I’m not sleeping terribly. They always ask about my sleeping. I’m back down to only taking 50mg of Trazadone a night because I don’t want to be groggy in the morning, and that seems to be fine. So I’m averaging about 6.5 hours of sleep. Yay! 7-7.5 seems to be optimal for me, but as long as I’m getting more than 4, I’m happy. 
So who knows. Maybe this is all a wash and I’m med resistant. I definitely believe I’m hypersensitive to the chemical changes in my body but apparently not in a way that is helpful.
I’m beginning to truly understand what Amy Lee was piping about in Lithium.



The only productive thing I’ve done so far is submit my entry for the Expressive Arts Carnival. It’s a weird word cloud this month and I pulled inspiration from a poem I wrote back at University. I really love the concept of this site. Stringing 4 words together has never taken so much energy. And not from mental taxation either. I’m just typing slow today.

5 comments:

  1. The med thing was what always got me before. Except no one really explained to me that feeling would eventually go away or that there were alternatives. Seroquel knocked me out. I think there is a fine line with meds. Happiness isn't found in a bottle but I don't know sorry too brain dead to make sense today...

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  2. Have you ever read Robert Whitaker's Anatomy of an Epidemic? Kind of gives a whole new outlook on just what they prescribe us and the damage meds can do long-term (it's a review of 50 years of data, so it's a bit dense, especially when reading is exhausting - Beyond Meds has some great summaries of his work).

    I know I'm bipolar, but I always see so many similarities between the two...and I'm doing extremely well med-free. If you ever want more info on that front, feel free to drop me a line and/or check out my resource page.

    Hope you're feeling better soon - dragging that hardcore totally sucks. :(

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  3. You and I seriously need to talk..my son is on meds for bipolar but I also give him a multivitamin product I use as well. LIFE changing for him, The doctor was amazed at the difference it made for him and in him and me as well. Enabled him to go on lower doses of his meds and cut out 2 completely.

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  4. (Singedwingangel - Are you and your son on Empower? I'm on that, and yes, life changing just about sums it up!)

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  5. @Natalie: No I haven't read that book. I'll put it on my wishlist and check it out though. THank you. I was unmedicated for YEARS and now that I am, I feel less functional, though maybe mildly more stable. I just don't see it as being a decent trade off.

    @Singedwingangel: My pdoc seems to be treating my BPD as bipolar by his med choices. However I am also taking a multivitamin, calcium, b-complex, and iron supplement. Honestly I believe the vitamins themselves do more for me than the medication or even the combination of med+vit. Proper nutrition is really important.

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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