Lack of pleasure in life? Check. Low self-esteem? Check. Unsatisfying intimate or work relationships? Check. How about self-loathing? Or chronic disappointment? It’s funny, because I don’t view my standards as perfectionistic. I often say I don’t believe in perfection because to me perfection equates to stagnations. However, there’s always room to grow and improve. There’s always something more to learn. There’s always some way to make what I’m doing, better.
Goals of Treatment
Bleh. Accomplish less and accomplish less perfectly? This sounds horrid. I actually can not fathom why I would want to do this. How can someone love me if I’m flawed and not the best that I can be?
Strategies Emphasized in Treatment
It’s important for people to learn to challenge their perfectionism. They learn to view performance as lying on a spectrum from poor to perfect – with many gradations in between – rather than as an all-or-nothing phenomenon. Conducting cost-benefit analyses of perpetuating their unrelenting standards is also helpful. They ask themselves: “If I were to do things a little less well, or if I were to do fewer things, what would the costs and benefits be?” Here the advantages of lowering standards can be highlighted – all the benefits that would accrue to their health and happiness, all the ways they are suffering as a result of their unrelenting standards, and all the ways the schema is damaging their enjoyment of life and relationships with significant others. The cost of the schema is greater than the benefits: This conclusion is the leverage that can motivate a person to change. It’s also important to reduce the perceived risks of imperfection. Imperfection is not a crime. Making mistakes does not have the extreme negative consequences that people anticipate.
It feels like the consequences will be extreme though. If I feel like I’m not performing to the standard I should at work, I have a low lying dread that bubbles over into heart clenching anxiety that I will get fired. Taking breaks, taking lunch, this is all time I’m afraid someone will see me not working and I will get in trouble for because I am not utilizing every moment towards productivity. Don’t even try to convince me that taking vacation and sick days are ok. I feel guilty and like I’m practically guaranteed to get suspended or judged as being a slacker. And don’t even get me started about my appearance. Right now I am not at my ideal weight and I am hideous. I obsess and dwell on every perceived imperfection endlessly, regardless of the fact that no one else seems to see these things. I don’t want to go out in public if I’m not at my ideal place within my own skin.
I think I qualify for both here. I know I feel defective, however I also had a father that pushed us to constantly achieve bigger and better standards.
Special Problems with This Schema