Monday, December 12, 2011

One year Anniversary!



It’s a very special day for me here at Beyond the Borderline Personality! One year ago today I started this blog. Happy Anniversary to me!


Growing up the way that I did I was always hyperaware that I had some pretty significant problems. From the time I was in my mid-teens I had done a lot of research into figuring out what was wrong with me. I came to two conclusions: 1.) I was Major Depressive, and 2.) I had Borderline Personality Disorder. As it turns out, I’m a pretty smart woman (also modest). However when I wanted to look deeper into BPD I kept turning up the same limited information over and over again. What’s more, very little of what I found were personal accounts that I could relate to or really gave me an idea of the things I was experiencing. This was really frustrating, especially since I refused therapy and medication until just a couple years ago.

After my official diagnosis I decided that in order to help gain a better understanding and awareness of my disorder I needed better references so I set out to gather as much information as humanly possible on this disorder AND compile it all in one location. My blog! I figured I couldn’t be the only one out there frustrated with limited information. And I’m nowhere near to done yet. I haven’t even finished covering the things that I expected to cover in the last 6 months let alone what I want to cover into the future. So what’s on the agenda for the upcoming year?

-          Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorders: A study in comparisons and contrasts
-          Depression
-          Empathy and Borderline Personality
-          Family Support
-          Self-Harm – A deeper look
-          Other types of therapy like DBT (though I’m taking a break from therapy talk for a while after I finish this Schema Therapy run).
-          Emotional Suppression and Isolation
-          Borderline Infidelity and Commitment
-          Avoiding Rejection
-          + a hell of a lot more

I have a lot of questions from Readers that I think will be very insightful. I’ve also had a request or two into some of the backstory with Friend and Evil-Ex. I may even venture deep into my dark closet and shake out a few more of my own skeletons for you.

It’s funny. I post 5 – 7 days a week (usually 5).  I’m always afraid that I’m going to run out of things to write about. I also worry that I’m not getting information out fast enough. One day at a time I suppose.


I’d like to expand my blog and reach more people, but I’ll be honest, I’m not incredibly sure how to do this. If you have any tips or suggestions I’d love to hear them =) I’d also like to have some Guest Posts. If you’re living with BPD/Bipolar/another Personality Disorder or live/help/suffer with someone that lives with any of these and you’d like to share your story, lemme know!

I would run this blog even if I had no one following me, but it’s everyone that stops by that really makes it worth it for me. I’ve had so many people tell me that they appreciate what I’m doing here. Well, I want you to know that I appreciate you being here with me. Borderline is a very lonely disorder. You guys really help make it less so.

Thank you =)

And as always, if you have any Questions, Comments, or just want to say Hello: havennyx@gmail.com

17 comments:

  1. Well, looks like an interesting year!

    Well done.

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  2. Happy Anniversary to one of the best, most informative blogs out there! Keep it up, I always learn something new...and may becoming a hypochondriac because of it. To many more years to come!

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  3. Congrats on one whole year!

    According to some sources the reason neither psychotrophic meds nor group(DBT etc)/individual therapy do not produce lasting change is because a psychiatrist/psychologidt/counsellor cannot give the BPD a conscience.

    There is stability in the unstability. Eventual tapering off of impulsive and promiscuous sex is concommitant with the BPD 'losing her looks' by 40 - 50 years of age - only then does the 'cheating' become impossible through nature's solution.

    Once a cheater always a cheater til no-one wants a poke anymore.

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  4. Happy Anniversary and your determination is awesome! Em

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  5. Happy Blogiversary! And thank you for writing this blog. I have not been diagnosed with BPD, as up until just recently, have decided not to seek help for issues that are eerily similar to what you write about on here. I can't wait to read as your blog continues to grow :)

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  6. Happy first year here in Bloggersville!

    I've come by way of Tracy's party...thought I'd stop by, say HI and clink glasses with you, to toast you and your blog's first anniversary!

    Cheers, Jenny
    PEARSON REPORT

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  7. I put this question to a psychotherapist from the Community Mental Health agency who came to evaluate my teen BPD d at the residential treatment center. She said that in her 20 years of practice, she had not seen BPD patients get better with age. Many stayed the same, but some got worse. She said the problem came from not being able to challenge or push them to improve. They cannot handle the challenge, and just wanted to come in and whine to her and seek justification and validation for their actions and emotions. Even when confronting them with this observation, they continued on with the same behavior. Often she would be the one to say "don't come back if you don't want to work on pathways to improvement." It amazed her to see patients in their 60s coming in and dealing with the exact same issues she read in their charts from 30-40 years earlier.

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  8. I think the "getting better with age" observation comes from psychiatrists who mainly see BPD as self-harm (cutting) and suicide attempts. These specific symptoms do "mellow" with age. Also the promiscuity often gets better, simply because there are fewer partners that a 60-year-old hussy or lothario can attract. Also, the classic picture of a young BPD having their flaws overlooked because of their great looks and sexual prowess will definitely fade over time.

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  9. Borderline Personality Disorder:

    Zero self-esteem stemming from non-existent values or identity. Relationships are emotionally volatile, unstable and eventually destroyed by the BPD. No sense of self. Either sexually promiscuous or extremely sexually repressed (sexual avoidance). Manipulative, but easy to manipulate. Anyone who disagrees with them in the most insignificant way immediately becomes their enemy (devaluation, splitting). More concerned with appearances than substances. Very common amongst political extremists, cult followers, strippers, pornstars, prostitutes and Playboy™ category women. Women with BPD usually suffer from a "Daddy complex". Dominant/Submissive (Switch).
    Motivation: Emotional satisfaction or personal pain/destruction. Aggressively seeks role models to follow.
    Weapons: Manipulative and exploitative, compulsive lies to others and oneself because they do not understand the truth themselves. Emotional blackmail - "Change your behavior or I'll feel bad and it's your fault"

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  10. some comments just gave me a feeling that we are "hopeless" and it made me a bit angry

    BPD is curable
    it is not a death camp or eternal hell (well, it is while it lasts, but)
    those who want to get healthy - will get healthy with help

    healthier than those with weak compassion and who never really worked on themselves in their entire life

    sorry to disappoint but we are valuable people actually, all we need to do is to grow up, and it is possible, with a competent parenting figure

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  11. Expedition ... some people don't understand. They've had a limited exposure to what BPD is and base all their judgments on that. Their opinions are not valuable, because they are limited, close minded and biased. It doesn't negate the fact that they may have had some harrowing experiences, but it also doesn't give them the right to judge us all.

    There absolutely is hope. It takes time and effort, but we can heal from what we are going through.

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  12. Anon... "I put this question to a psychotherapist from the Community Mental Health agency who came to evaluate my teen BPD d at the residential treatment center. She said that in her 20 years of practice, she had not seen BPD patients get better with age. Many stayed the same, but some got worse. She said the problem came from not being able to challenge or push them to improve. They cannot handle the challenge, and just wanted to come in and whine to her and seek justification and validation for their actions and emotions. Even when confronting them with this observation, they continued on with the same behavior. Often she would be the one to say "don't come back if you don't want to work on pathways to improvement." It amazed her to see patients in their 60s coming in and dealing with the exact same issues she read in their charts from 30-40 years earlier."

    It sounds like your psychotherapist that you spoke to was not equipped to handle someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is quite common. When someone does not have the right tools to understand and work with the problem they easily become frustrated with their patients. It's a failing on the part of both the patient and the practitioner.

    If she's actually saying "Don't come back if you don't want to work on your problems" that's a huge red flag that this woman does not have a fundamental understanding of what Borderline Perseonality Disorder is. And frankly does not sound like a good therapist. A therapist should never give ultimatums to their patients. This is an outright statement of rejection and abandonment which will only make the Borderline patient more confused and hurt.

    You know what. I'm just going to turn this into a post. See upcoming post.

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  13. Haven, I think you're amazing, and so self-aware that I truly believe you'll find yourself "recovered" in time. I think you'll find those coping skills and tools that will allow you to get past a lot of this. But honestly, some people with Borderline are not like this. You said, "It doesn't negate the fact that they may have had some harrowing experiences, but it also doesn't give them the right to judge us all." I don't judge you, I admire you. But I will say, loving someone with Borderline is horribly difficult and I have reached an absolute brick wall with the Borderline where I have no choice other than to judge him; if I didn't allow myself to judge him, I'd continue letting him destroy me. Reading about and understanding the disorder---oftentimes involkes such sympathy and hurt for the Borderline sufferer, that we nons put our basic rights aside, in efforts to be there for them, to hopefully help them heal, to help them feel as though they are NOT alone, help them feel accepted. I understand the basis of the fear of abandonment---and so for the past 2 years, I've been an understanding friend to my Borderline, always there for him. I've stayed by his side while he lies to me, manipulates me, shares only what he wants to. In time, you start feeling your own skin melt away and feel like there's nothing but a peice of shit skeleton holding you together. I am done. I have fully "abandoned" my Borderlined by all means possible-blocking, dissapearing. My hope is that it will make him split me black and he'll never look back. I follow this blog a lot, but admit, it's difficult because it makes me hurt for him. So I have to judge him, in order for me to keep myself first-or I'd go right back into the fire. The second I start feeling the empathy come back, I want to reach out to him, and I absolutely can't anymore. So, my defense is judging him. I'm not, however, judging the disorder, but the person behind it. Everyone is different. You are remarkable, so be resilent to the criticism. Emily

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  14. Actually Em you've made my point beautifully.

    Individuals are all very, very different. Everyone has their own experiences. You're right, it can be very hard on the non-BPD and you have to take care of yourself too. I just don't want to perpetuate the stereotype that because one person had a bad experience, or knew someone that couldn't overcome they're difficulties, that we all can't. Clearly there are some of us that can.

    As always, love hearing from you.

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  15. I'm looking forward to reading all your posts! I'm really looking forward to the future posts as well! I would love to share my story with you... not sure how. :)

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  16. Exactly. Borderline is a diagnosis, not a person. We are all individual and different, all with our own unique journeys and capabilities (Borderlines & Nons both). I've read plenty of success stories about Borderline recovery-it's absolutely possible. Just like anything else though, it seems the success stories don't make as big of a story as the dramatic disasters. I experienced a dramatic disaster, if you will. His outlook and self-realization was NOTHING like what you demonstrate. It's like apples to oranges, no comparison. Borderline is a diagnosis, not a person. Em

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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