Friday, November 4, 2011

Lucid Anlaysis - Trials in Therapy : Healthy Seperation?

Therapy was neither good nor bad yesterday. Mostly we talked about how distraught I am that my co-worker is leaving. He’s seriously like THE PERFECT PERSON to work with and have as a mentor. I’ve never really had a mentor like that before and the experience is invaluable. Therapist thinks I’m in shock right now from the suddenness of the announcement. It’s clearly triggered my rejection and abandonment issues. Ultimately she does think this will be a good opportunity for me to grow in healthy way. I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to rely on someone. I’m angry at him for up and leaving. My gut reaction is to pull back and put as much emotional distance between myself and the entire situation as I possibly can. Therapist thinks I should do the opposite.
She thinks that instead of pushing away I should take the time I have left with him and get to know him better on a personal level. Get closer. I told her that sounded scary. Why would I want to invest MORE emotionally when I know for a FACT that they’re going to leave?  Isn’t that like emotional masochism?
She says ‘no’. This is a normal process in life. Jobs change, people move, and since there is no aspect of this that is my fault it’s unlikely that I will internalize it as something to punish myself with. Plus, he’s a mentor. He’s been a positively influential role model in my life and that is precisely the kind of healthy relationship I should continue to cultivate. I know him, his wife, his kids, even on a social level. Just because he is moving physically does not mean the personal/professional aspect and bond that we have created will disappear. This will be an excellent opportunity for me to experience a healthy a separation and work to maintain a connection throughout the process of changing locations, not abandonment. Therapist actually believes that this is affecting me is also a good thing. It means that I’ve begun to internalize someone. It’s something that’s extremely important for someone like me that has a complete lack of object constancy. I don’t believe that he’ll remember me once he’s gone, and I don’t understand how I can still be a part of his life if I’m not around, but if there’s anyone that I think will welcome remaining in contact, it would be him. We’ll just have to see. I’m taking it one day at a time, and frankly, trying to avoid thinking about it.
My goal is to learn as much from him as possible so that I gain even more confidence in the job that I have so that I do not feel so lost when I no longer have a mentor and role model to rely on. Therapist thinks this is actually a very good plan.
We talked about this more than I wanted to.
She asked me about Tech Boy and Friend. How things were going with them? Things with Tech Boy are going really well. He’s going out of state this weekend so I won’t be able to see him, and I have something I’m doing with Roommate next weekend so I don’t think I’ll be able to see him then. This is creating a massive amount of anxiety in me. I told him I hope he has a lot of fun at his event this weekend though I kind of wish I could see him. His reply, “It’ll be a blast, but we’ll hang out soon, I promise.” So that’s at least a little reassuring. I’m just afraid that two weekends in a row is going to be too much. I can’t shake this mentality that if I’m not giving myself in some way sexually than he won’t maintain an interest in me. On the one hand, if that’s true than he’s just another jerk and I shouldn’t bother, but I also know that I need to feel like I’m doing something, providing something, taking care of something, for other people in order for them to need me. I need to know there’s a reason they stay, otherwise I don’t understand how there will be anything to hold them to me. Like me for me? Just for my personality? And because I’m apparently a good, loving person? Psh. Whatever. I don’t believe it’s enough. I need to DO something to make someone stay.
I know he likes me though. It’s really not hard to make me feel good or reassured. I see him at work quite a bit, but as a group we all have breaks at the same time and spend them down in the shop together. I was really busy yesterday afternoon (and honestly feeling really self-conscious to the point where I couldn’t stand the thought of being where people could look at me) so I skipped break. Right afterwards he texted asking me why I didn’t show up. Aws, he missed me. He texts me randomly so I know he’s thinking about me. And lately it’s become a habit to text each other right up until we’re falling asleep and tell each other good night. It’s adorable.  
Things with Friend have been improving too. I still have a lot of anger and resentment, BUT, it’s definitely diminishing. There are times I actually feel fully engaged in the ridiculous conversations we have. Romantically my focus has almost fully shifted to Tech Boy, so I don’t have the same kind of obsessive ruminations that I used to. His wife still makes me sick to my stomach but I expect that will always be the case. She’s an ugly person. And it’s still a thorn in my side that he would prefer to be with someone so hideous over someone like me. Whatever buddy, his loss.
Did I mention Lady Friend got ahold of me? On Halloween she was travelling and texted me around midnight saying that, “There are so many things here that remind me of you. I just wanted to see how you were doing and try to reconnect…” I was really surprised. I ended things with her very abruptly and just stopped talking to her. I was a complete mix of guilt and relief for weeks, but I felt paralyzed to even read the e-mails she sent me. I still haven’t read them. But she got ahold of me anyways and I would like to see her and catch up. Here’s something that I think is a Borderline issue. I actually don’t think we ended badly. We didn’t have any big fights or anything, I just couldn’t do it anymore and kind of, disappeared. ::hugs:: ::kisses:: “I missed you”. Gone.  The chemistry wasn’t there for me at all, but she really is a wonderful person. Some part of me knows this wasn’t an appropriate way to end things, but it doesn’t seem terrible to me either. I drop off the face of the earth with people all the time. I wonder how this will go.
My body dysmophia is killing me though. I want to see everyone. I want to be with everyone. I want to go out and do things. But I can’t stand the thought of people looking at me right now. It makes my skin crawl. I quit smoking, for real this time. It’s been a few weeks and unfortunately I have gained like 5lbs. I’m absolutely disgusted with myself. I’m kicking up my workouts and reinstating the food diary to keep track of everything I consume. Surprisingly, I’ve been in much better control of my bulimia. I don’t even remember the last time I threw up! ::pats myself on the back:: I also gave up one more major addiction (one that I haven’t mentioned before) but that’ll be a post for another time.

Therapist completely forgot to ask me about the Homework she set for me last week but I’ll share my answers with you anyways.
Homework: What positive things have I taken from my relationship with Friend?
-         I’ve seen that it’s possible to find someone that I share so much in common with.
-         I realized that even after having so many devastating relationships it’s still possible to open up and connect with someone.
-         I have someone to watch endless amounts of bad horror with.
-         There is someone out there that understands and appreciates my wacky brain.
-         For all the emotional ups and down, pushing and pulling away, he never left, never threatened to leave. Shows me that it is possible for someone to stay regardless of how much I lash out or am hurting. For all the emotional turmoil he has been a stable presence.
Homework: What do I envision for a healthy relationship?
-         Acceptance.
-         Mutual respect.
-         Someone I am comfortable being with and sharing with.
-         Not being afraid to be myself.
-         Not being afraid the other person will leave if I go out with or make new friends.
-         Someone that wants to be with me, not other people also. < ------ This is a change.

For the Healthy Relationships question I feel like there should be more. I just don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like though. I keep wanting to list things I want in a partner or am most attracted to in a partner, but even thinking about some of the things makes me wonder if what I look for is healthy at all so I don’t put that stuff down.
Relationships are hard.
Therapist thinks I’m making amazing progress though. It’s not like I’m all recovered or anything  but my responses and reactions are steadily becoming more appropriate/less extreme and I’m beginning to think about things differently. And she continually reassures me that I’m a joy to work with. No joke, therapy is not easy. Some days I can be in a great mood, and leave therapy feeling very heavy hearted. Some days I can be in a terrible mood and leave therapy feeling worse. I always leave therapy feeling more aware though, and like some part of my burden has been lifted. Less confused. It’s not easy confronting your issues on a weekly basis. It takes effort but I really think it’s worth it.
Sometimes writing this blog is hard. So many people, Borderline or not, are not very self-aware and do not often analyze themselves or their motivations. Every day I write this blog I’m forced to face some aspects of my history and my disorder. I’m hyperaware of my problems. On the one hand this is good because it reminds me daily how I need to tailor my mask and my actions to fit into my environment in an appropriate manner. It forces me to look at my life, consider where I’ve been and where I want to go. On the other hand sustaining such a heightened sense of Self is exhausting. I over analyze everything. It does seem to be paying off though.  

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Unintentional Abandonment. Never even saw it coming.

I am officially on information overload. And trying to stifle the sheer panic I feel. One of my coworkers just told me he is leaving to take a better position in California. I’m devastated. He’s the guy that was really able to pull me out of my shell and is always dragging me off to this and that. He has an incredibly wonderful way of making you feel included and is always interested in everything you have to say. His constant good mood is contagious, and not in an obnoxious way. He’s also one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing (and I’ve know a lot of brilliant people). He has the exceedingly rare quality of being both a genius and incredibly personable. I don’t know about you, but I deal with a lot of genius types and they tend to run the gamut of anti-social, socially clueless, or condescendingly asshole-ish. He’s definitely one of my anchors here who’s helped inspire my confidence and make me feel like I am contributing as an integral part of the team.
He’s leaving.
I’m crushed. And panicking. I’m terrified by the thought of him no longer being here. Somewhere over the past few months without me even realizing it he became something of my anchor here. A steady rock solid source that I could rely on if I came up against something that I hadn’t encountered before. Which is a lot. This is actually not me second guessing my own wealth of knowledge. I changed engineering fields with this job so there’s a vast array of new information, skills, and techniques to take in. I’m learning, growing, and expanding my own abilities at an astounding rate, in large part because of the guidance I’ve received form this guy. He’s definitely my mentor here. He already said that any time I had questions I can call him or e-mail him and he will be happy to help out, but it’s not going to be nearly the same as being able to walk across the hall and sit down and figure things out in a hands on way.
My mind is reeling from the thought of not having his support.
And then I want to kick myself for letting myself rely on him or anyone else at all! Everybody leaves! But I never even saw this coming! Never suspected! Everything seemed so nice and stable and everything was working out so well! Out of nowhere. If I had just stayed more to myself I wouldn’t be so devastated at his departure. At least this doesn’t feel personal to me. I’m not internalizing it as my fault. Of course, it won’t actually happen for 3-4 months so I may just not be processing it fully yet.
In the mean time I’m spending as much time as I can just listening to him. The amount of knowledge he imparts in only 5 minutes of conversation is enormous and my brain feels like it’s ready to burst, but I have to soak it up to prepare myself as best as possible for when he actually goes. For my job and for myself. I’m hoping that the more I can learn and understand, the more confidence I will have so that I will reach a point where I do not feel the loss so deeply.
If I can push myself to learn more, be better, than I won’t need him. ß---- As I write this I’m looking at it and my schematherapy is smacking me in the forehead. See, I do learn.
::sigh:: I’m just so sad. And angry. And lost.
My mind just runs down these paths of destruction creating worst case scenerios where I get fired for not knowing everything that he knew. I feel like I should somehow already know the 20 years of experience he’s had dealing with this specific field and because I don’t I’m in danger. I know this is irrational, I was hired knowing that I’d never done quite this kind of thing before and that it would be a learning experience. The FEELING is still there. That I should know everything already. Where’s my matrix hook up? Jack me in. Upload. Bam. Done. I should know everything. Fuck.  
How do you prepare yourself for something you don't even see coming? My crazy relationships I can at least mentally prepare for usually. Not this. This was so normal! If even the normal things can change and leave so suddenly, how can I have hope that anyone will ever remain solid and in place?  I know this is life, and things like this happen all the time, but it doesn't make it any easier to process.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Alone in the Dark – Social Isolation

This post is actually a bit ironic for me today as isolated is precisely the last thing I’ve been today. I’ve been in near constant communication and interaction with people at work, people texting me like mad, IMing me all over the place. Busy, busy day (hence the uber late post time). I’d feel popular if there weren’t so many times when I wondered if these people were actually talking to the right person, because it can’t be me they’re all interested in.

So today in the Disconnection and Rejection Domain I want to talk about the Social Isolation schema.
Typical Presentation of the Schema
People with this schema believe that they are different from other people. They do not feel that they are part of most groups and feel isolated, left out, or “on the outside looking in.” Anyone who grows up feeling different might develop the schema. Examples include gifted people, those from famous families, people with great physical beauty or ugliness, gay men and women, members of ethnic minorities, children of alcoholics, trauma survivors, people with physical disabilities, orphans or adoptees, and people who belong to a significantly higher or lower economic class than those around them.
Typical Behaviors include staying on the periphery or avoiding groups altogether. These patients tend to engage in solitary activities: Most “loners” have this schema. Depending upon the severity of the schema, the patient may be part of a subculture but still feel alienated form the larger social world; he or she may feel alienated from all groups but have some intimate relationships, or be disconnected from virtually everyone.
I’ve always been  a loner. My mother will tell you stories of how my kindergarten teacher had to pull me out of the corner to play with the other kids because I’d be happy to sit there and build with my Legos all by myself. I always seem to know everyone. People gravitate to me. 9.9 times out of 10 I actively try to keep these people at arm’s length (it’s harder for them to stick a knife in your back if they can’t sneak up on you).  Every now and again I do find myself deeply entrenched in a circle of friends. A very close group of friends. No matter how much anyone works to include me, I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in. That periphery, that outside edge, that’s where I sit. That’s where I belong. It’s what I’m used to and therefore what is most comfortable for me. It’s a lonely place to hang out though.
Goals of Treatment
The basic goal of treatment is to help patients feel less different from other people. Even if they are not part of the mainstream, there are other people similar to them. Furthermore, at the core, we are all human beings, with the same basic needs and desires. Even though we have many differences, we are more alike than different. There may be a segment of society in which the patient probably will never fit – such as a gay person in a fundamentalist religious group – but there are other places where the person will fit. The person should walk away from unwelcoming groups and find people who are more similar or accepting. Often, the patient must make major life changes and overcome extensive avoidance in order to accomplish this.
Let’s emphasize this point a bit: at the core, we are all human beings, with the same basic needs and desires. Even though we have many differences, we are more alike than different.”

Strategies Emphasized in Treatment
Unlike the other schemas in the Disconnection and Rejection realm, the focus is less on working experientially with childhood origins of the schema and more on improving the patient’s current relationships with peers and groups. Thus, cognitive and behavioral strategies take precedence. Group therapy may be helpful for many patients with this schema, especially those who avoid even friendships. The more isolated the patient, the more important the therapy relationship is to the treatment, because it will be one of the patient’s only relationships.
The aim of the cognitive strategies is to convince patients that they really are not as different from other people as they think. They share many qualities with all people, and some of the qualities that they regard as distinguishing them are in fact universal. Even if they are not part of the mainstream, there are other people like them. Patients learn to focus on their similarities with other people, as well as their differences. They learn to identify subgroups of people who are like them – who share the ways they are different; they learn that many people can accept them even though they are different. They learn to challenge the automatic negative thoughts that block them from joining groups and connecting to the people in them.
Experiential strategies can help patients who are excluded as children and adolescents remember what it was like. (Some patients with this schema were not excluded as children. Rather, they chose solitude due to some preference or interest.) In imagery, patients relieve these childhood experiences. They vent anger at the peers who excluded them; and they express their loneliness. Patients fight back against social prejudice toward people who are different. (This is one advantage of consciousness-raising groups: They teach group members to fight back against the hatred of others.) Patients can also use imagery to picture groups of people with whom they could fit in.
This is an easy exercise: Remember a time you felt socially isolated. Remember how it felt. Now, looking back, think about what you could have done differently in that situation. How would you have acted? What would you have said? This is useful not only to gain a little closure in recognizing how you’ve grown as a person, but also to recognize potentially similar situations so that you are better equipped to deal with them in the future.
Behaviorally it’s important for people with this schema to overcome their avoidance of social situations. The goal is for patients gradually to start attending groups, connect to the people there, and cultivate friendships. To accomplish this gradual exposure to different groups can be key.  It’s also useful to be aware of anxiety that is often created and development a way to manage it.  
Group therapy can be extremely helpful if the group is accepting of the patient; for this reason, “special interest groups – containing members who are similar to the patient in some significant way can be most valuable.
Well that makes me think of Al Anon but for loner goth kids. Come brood with us, together.
Special Problems with This Schema
The most common problem is that patients have difficulty overcoming their avoidance of social situations and groups. In order to confront the situations that they fear, patients must be willing to tolerate a high level of emotional discomfort. For this reason, their pattern of avoidance is resistant to change. When avoidance blocks progress in treatment, mode work can often help patients build up that part of themselves that wants the schema to change and talk back to the schema. For example, patients might imagine a group situation in which they recently felt alienated. The therapist enters the image as the Healthy Adult, who advises the Isolated Child (or Adolescent) about how to integrate with the group. Later, patients enter their images as their own Healthy Adult, to help the Isolated Child Master and enjoy social situations.
 High levels of emotional discomfort. This is how I feel every day if I’m not in complete control over my body or feeling at my best. I have to physically force myself away from my desk to talk to people. I can feel the gravity increasing around me as I fight my way out of my comfort zone. For me a lot of this ties into my body dysmorphia (which unfortunately has been mind rackingly bad this week).  I can’t stand the thought of going anywhere someone would look at me. Even when I cognitively know that these people aren’t going to care. It FEELS like they care, and will judge me, but what’s worse is I, me, I am judging me. I still often indulge my avoidance of social situations when I’m at home, but at work this is not so easy. People notice when I’m not around now. I’ve been doing exactly what is suggested of me. I have been making a very definitive attempt to socialize with the guys in my group at work. It’s been working very well. My behaviors are changing. Unfortunately, my mentality relapses very easily. I still don’t quite feel like I fit in. Outside of work I know how different I actually am from these people; my interest, my lifestyle, how I think, my issues. Even at work, in my nice, normal, business casual attire I’m different. I’m female, in a highly male dominated environment. It’s a rare day that I’ll even speak to another woman at work, our paths cross so infrequently.
Once on break one of the guys made a passing comment about telling a story later to one of the other guys. I was like, “What, think my delicate sensibilities will be offended?” (Fair emphasis on the sarcasm). His reply was, “Sorry Haven, You’re just not one of the guys. Don’t get me wrong, we’re really glad you’re not. You’re great just the way you are.” A lot of the guys here are a little old fashioned and won’t swear or say rude things in front of me. On the one hand it’s polite and respectful; on the other hand my inner feminist wants to punch them in the mouth. I’m not one of them, I’m different. No matter how comfortable they are with me, that’s not going to change. That doesn’t mean they don’t accept me (apparently?), it just means I’m different so they’re going to act different around me. I already feel like an outsider, on some level I actually am an outsider, though a welcomed one, usually. So what do I do?
People are so careless with their words. I know most people just don’t think about what they say, probably don’t have any ill intention, but those words stick with me. They’ll be with me forever. They don’t leave.  Growing up I was always one of the boys. All I want is to be treated the same. Too bad. I really resent being female sometimes. It just makes it that much harder to go down there and smile and chat and pretend like I fit in. Fake it til you make it. I’ve got the faking it part down alright. I don’t know if I can actually make the feeling of inclusion stick.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Be Yourself

Even if you’re still trying to figure out who that is.

“Boys will be boys, that’s what people say. No one ever mentions how girls have to be something other than themselves altogether. We are to stifle the same feelings that boys are encouraged to display. We are to use gossip as a means of policing ourselves — this way those who do succumb to sex but are not damaged by it are damaged instead by peer malice. Girls demand a covenant because if one gives in, others will be expected to do the same. We are to remain united in cruelty, ignorance, and aversion. Or we are to starve the flesh from our bones, penalizing the body for its nature, castigating ourselves for advances we are powerless to prevent. We are to make false promises then resist the attentions solicited. Basically we are to become expert liars. (p. 65)”

I don’t know if this has anything to do with having a Borderline Personality or not, but it got my thinking about just how influential cultural norms can be in the development of children and adolescents. When you’re constantly bombarded with contradictory images and expectations is it any wonder that it’s so difficult for some of us to process how we are supposed to be? It’s a constant internal struggle of Who I Want To Be, Who I Think I Am, vs. Who I’m “Supposed” To Be.  The ramifications of going against the grain can be paralyzing and fear inducing at the very least.
I rebelled. Outwardly. To the world I appeared unphased by societies rules and regulations of how a woman should look and act. Internally though I fought this battle every single day. My already turbulent perception of myself and the world around me was fueled to a new level of distress and doubt.
I still feel pressured constantly to be different than how I am. On the one hand, I do want to be different because I don’t want to be emotionally turbulent and depressive all the time. On the other hand, how does that interplay with the aspects of myself that I approve of. Those aspects that I like that society still deems to frown upon? Society gets a big fuck you there. I’m aware enough to recognize that some of my behavior is not acceptable, but I’m also aware enough to recognize that some of the behavior of society at large is also not acceptable. Telling anyone they are not good enough, or that they should be someone fundamentally different than themselves so they can fit into a Stepford Wife cookie cutter is unreasonable and unacceptable. As long as I’m alive I believe there are ways for me to grow and improve as a person. Growing and improving for myself does not mean I have to grow into what society thinks I should look like.  

Monday, October 31, 2011

It's ALIVE!!!! - Borderline Personality Disorder in Movies and Cinema

Happy Halloween! This has been a very mellow season for me. Decided not to hit any major parties or do the costume thing. I’ve been too uncomfortable in my own skin to go out in crowds. I have, however, been watching Horror movies like they’re going out of style. Which as any die hard horror movie buff knows, will never actually happen. Horror movies are good year round. I’m pretty desensitized to the actually scary factor but that doesn’t stop me from loving them. I also have a bizarre fascination with campy bad B horror movies. Over the past few weeks I’ve watched Friday the 13th, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal,
Red Dragon, Night of the Living Dead (the original), Poltergeist, documentaries on the making of American Horror films, had a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon, and approximately a million more. You name it, I probably own it. Friday Tech Boy and I went to see the remake of The Thing.
The Thing (remake): SPOILER: Do yourself a favor… rent the original. The original is truly terrifying. The remake was an abomination of CGI craptasticism. The only horror inducing aspects of this film was that it was remade in the first place. Shame on you Hollywood. Seriously. I’m offended. Fortunately Tech Boy was equally as uninterested in the film and we didn’t end up watching a whole lot of it ::wink::
Saturday Friend and I went and saw Paranormal Activity 3. (NO Spoilers). If you have any belief, even a mild suspicion or doubt about what else might be out there…. These will shock your socks off. I freaking love this series of movies. Rent them. Watch them. Be prepared to never sleep again. Throw Insidious into the mix while you’re at it.

That’s great Haven, but what does any of this have to do with Borderline Personality Disorder, other than you’re particular case of nuttery? The movies listed above = not much. However, it got me to thinking about movies depicting Borderline Personality Disorder and they have a tendency to be pretty scary in their own way.
A couple of them like Girl, Interrupted and the film Borderline (based on the book by Marie-Sissi Labreche) take more of a genuine look at what it is to have Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to say the film version of Girl, Interrupted didn’t portray the disorder quite as well as the book did – which was actually quite different. Still, they’re honest attempts at some understanding.

Here are some of the most notable movies with characters with Borderline Personality Disorder:
Fatal Attraction (1987) - In “Fatal Attraction,” the infamous femme fatale character played by Glenn Close displays the emotional instability and fear of abandonment that are symptomatic of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. Her character also exhibits the BPD symptoms of self-harm, intense anger, and manipulation as she stalks her former lover and his family.
Single White Female (1992) - Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character in “Single White Female” exhibits the Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms of fear of abandonment, impulsivity, and mirroring as she attempts to take over the persona and life of her roommate (Bridget Fonda).
The Hours (2002) - The three main characters in “The Hours,” which include author Virginia Woolf, all struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, and suicide. The movie, which links women from different generations to Woolf’s book “Mrs. Dalloway,” stars Nicole Kidman, Meryl Streep, and Julianne Moore.
Monster (2003) - Charlize Theron transformed into the role of female serial killer Aileen Wuornos in “Monster.” Wuornos was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which may have contributed to the unstable and angry behaviors that led to her killing at least six men.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006) - One of the few comedy movies that features a character with Borderline Personality Disorder is “My Super Ex-Girlfriend.” In this movie, Uma Thurman portrays a woman with superpowers and a secret identity who also displays the BPD symptoms of impulsivity, unstable interpersonal relationships, and poor self-image.
Margot at the Wedding (2007)- Two alums of movies with Borderline Personality Disorder – Jennifer Jason Leigh and Nicole Kidman – pair up in “Margot at the Wedding.” Kidman’s character, who is the sister of Leigh’s, is said to be diagnosed with BPD and exhibits the BPD symptoms of impulsivity and lack of boundaries.
A Streetcar Named Desire - A Streetcar Named Desire is a is a 1947 play written by Tennessee Williams, later adapted for film, which tells the story of a woman who displays histrionic and borderline traits, who goes to live with her codependent sister and her narcissistic husband.
Mommie Dearest - Mommie Dearest is a 1981 biography of Hollywood Actress Joan Crawford, played by Faye Dunaway, who, according to the account in the movie, exhibited Obsessive Compulsive, Borderline and Narcissistic Traits.
Gia: Too Beautiful to Die, Too Wild to Live (1998) - Directed by Michael Christofer, starring Angelina Jolie as the tragic supermodel Gia Marie Carangi.
For my money, this biographical movie is the very best screen representation of a female Borderline, vastly more emotionally insightful than Fatal Attraction. Jolie is uncannily brilliant in this Golden-Globe-winning role (and has written about her own personal experience with self-injury).

And some more…..
The Fountainhead (1949)
Play Misty for Me (1971)
Poison Ivy (1992)
The Crush (1993)
Mad Love (1995)
The Cable Guy (1996)
Allein (Germany, 2004)
Swimming Pool (2003)
Chloe (2009)
Notes on a Scandal (2006)
Black Swan (2010)  <~~~~~ Here’s another must see movie if you haven’t already. I over-identified with this film. The emotion pressure felt by the main character is portrayed in a very intense and accurate manner.

I also found a note about one more movie displaying Borderline characteristics. The Wizard of Oz. Now, I’m not sure I agree with it. I think it’s more likely that some psychologist decided to overanalyze a work of fiction. But this is what it said.
The Wizard of Oz - The Wizard of Oz is a 1944 movie starring Judy Garland which is sometimes used as a metaphor to describe the disconnect between the dissociated reality of the personality-disordered individual (Oz) and the real world experienced by the Non-PD (Kansas). The metaphor is based on the iconic phrase: "Toto - I've a feeling we're not in Kansas any more".

Those are what I've found so far. Do you know any others that might involve BPD?

It all just got me thinking about how entrenched the stigma of Borderline Personality Disorder is. A few of these movies take an honest approach to the disorder or even a comedic one… but in general, the character with BPD is often the villain, and not one you’re able to sympathize with. These movies capitalize on the stigma and spotlight the worst characteristics. I guess that’s what makes money though. I suppose having emotionally conflicted villains is too grey area for the good guys wear white, bad guys wear black mentality that often splits the silver screen. I find that a bit ironic.

So what are you favorite scary movies?
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