Saturday, February 4, 2012

Ask Haven! Episode 3: Obsession

A Reader asks : How much obsession is too much obsession when in love?

Well first let’s start off with: What is obsession? The dictionary says:

Obsession =

1.     Compulsive preoccupation with an idea or an unwantedfeeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.
2.      A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion.

As I’ve written about before, I’m not sure I know the difference between real love and obsession. However I do recognize that a compulsive preoccupation with anything is probably not healthy.

So the short answer is: Any amount of obsession is too much obsession when you’re in love.

Obsession is an unhealthy preoccupation with the object of fixation. Love should be a mutual emotional act between two people. You can be in love, think about someone often, want to make their lives better, but maintain your own identity as a person. When you are obsessed with someone you love, your own identity begins to slip away in favor of being everything you believe that person desires. Losing who you are as a person is not healthy.

Obsession often leads to stress and anxiety when you can’t constantly be in the prescense of the one you love. Your very happiness seems to depend on them. No one should have this kind of control over your mind.

Being in love is a beautiful place to be. Being in obsession is not. 


  1. would you say an obsession is also an addiction? i tend to view certain relationships, romantic and/or friendships, as addictions. i can't get enough, i know they are unstable and setting off my BPD like no other, but i crave them... crave the drama and emotion and intensity. i know it's trouble, i know i am setting myself up, i know i will get hurt over and over and over again, but sometimes i just can.not.stop. until of course i am done, and my black/white flips the switch and then i am so far removed from them and any of the feelings that i once had (maybe even a short while ago) that i feel like they are a complete stranger to me and i can't recall any feelings or emotions i ever had about them/with them. i can rationally think about them and know i once cared for them, but i have cut the ties and can't remember or recall any of those feelings to make it "real" in my head. very rarely i can go back and forth, but usually once i am done, i am done for good, and can never go back.

    1. I definitely think an obsession can be like an addiction. It's that craving something, not being able to get it off of your mind. These are traits that define both obsession and addiction.

  2. Great answer, and you answered it pretty much as I would have. Any amount of obsession is too much. I mean, is there even such thing as 'only a little' obsession? Oh, I'm just a LITTLE BIT obsessed with Sarah. I mean, I call her 8 times a day and I cry when she doesn't answer, but it's cool, I'm just a little obsessed.

    1. ::laughs:: Definitely no such thing as 'only a little obsession'.


Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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