Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine’s Day and Borderline Personality Disorder

I really do have a hard time taking this holiday srsly.
Yes, it’s that time again. That special day of the year when Hallmark tells you that you haven’t been living up to your woman’s expectations of what a good spouse should be. Congratulations you fail at life, unless of course you empty your bank account on expensive jewelry, flowers, and epic love poetry that you compiled yourself while starving in a cave, naked, for an entire year.
This holiday makes a lot of semi-reasonable women turn into pretty, pretty ultra-pink heart shaped princesses with highly unreasonable expectations. You don’t have to have Borderline Personality Disorder to be driven crazy with this one, but as with most things, it’s possible to make us crazier.
If you’re dating, married, “special” friends, or stalking appreciative of the Borderline in your life you should know by now that it’s important to make her feel special pretty often. If you wait for only one day a year to provide her with the reassurance that she is meaningful to you, well, you probably experienced the melt down and received a lovely parting gift of emotional explosions. Frequent reassurance of love and caring are very important (To EVERYONE!) when you’re involved with a Borderline. Be careful not to be too reassuring though. You don’t want to cross the line into smothering and emotional suffocation.
Really, you want to make your loved one think Valentine’s Day is silly because you already make the effort to turn those ‘average’ days of his/her life into something special. That’s really the point here.
Be continually appreciative.
But for those of you that didn’t plan ahead and now are floundering about to make this one day a focal point of the year, here are some helpful tips for a smooth evening out with your Borderline.
Tip #1: If your Borderline has an eating disorder, don’t get her chocolate. I know the corner drug store has those gigantic heart shaped boxes of chocolate all up in your face, but unless you want to encourage a binge filled evening laced with a hint of self-loathing, step away from the candy.
Tip #2: If your Borderline has a fear of commitment, don’t choose this day to propose. Getting engaged is stressful enough. Getting engaged on a day where the expectations of romance are a bajillion times higher, could make her heart crack into a thousand of those mini little chalk flavor heart candies with inspirational sayings like “WTF dude?” or “Are you serious?”.
Tip #3: Just because your Borderline says that she hates Valentine’s Day, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything.  Remember when I said that you should treat her special every day? February 14th is still one of those days. I know it's a complete contradiction to say you hate Valentine's Day, and then want to do something on Valentine's Day, but it's also a message of, the holiday is stupid, then again, it's a day like any other that I want to see you, so I want to see you! Warning: This may get you laid instantly.
Tip #4: Don’t expect perfection. This is for the Borderlines out there that create these amazingly unattainable fantasy scenarios that no human short of a transgendered Aphrodite come down from Mr. Olympus could live up to. There are a handful of romantic men out there, but playing the odds, yours probably isn’t one of them. If you want to do something specific, speak up! Otherwise just be appreciative that he remembered the date at all. Let’s face it, this is pretty impressive for a lot of guys.
Tip #5: If your Borderline has issues with object constancy… get her/him a gift! Or even a thoughtful card. No, not one of those goofy ones with a pre-written message. A blank card. The kind that you fill up with your own writing. Don’t be afraid to get gooey. Emotionally gooey, I mean. Don’t like, jerk off on the card. That’s just gross. And creepy. Giving a gift or a card that your Borderline can keep with them is an excellent way of saying, “I may not be around all the time, but here’s a small part of me for you to hold on to.”

So there you go. Haven’s tips for a successful Valentine’s Day with your Borderline. Does anyone have any special plans? What am I doing you ask? Nothing. Tech Boy hasn’t brought it up and I’m not going to mention it if he doesn’t. I’m going to the gym, because I do have an eating disorder and if I skip one more workout my head may explode. Head explosion prevention trumps candy company holidays in my book. That doesn’t mean I like the idea of being lonely today (because it’s a day like any other day that I don’t like to be lonely!).  Feel free to spend some time here with me =)
EDIT: Soooo I may have plans afterall =X
*I know I use “her” mostly but this also applies to all the “him”s out there too. Writing him/her everywhere is kind of obnoxious and interrupts the flow of my writing. It’s not that I’m discriminating, I’m just lazy. Happy Valentine’s Day!  


  1. Happy "Going deeper into debt, for jewelry" Day

    1. Thanks ib! Hope you don't break the bank yourself!

    2. It's broke-ed already and I am protesting the holiday anyways. I am only excepting gifts this year. I have no intention of doing the opposite.

  2. Happy Hallmark Holiday to you Haven!

    No plans today. My friend came over last night with homemade chocolates. Good fella. He brings them to me on non Hallmark days as well. The V word wasnt even uttered and I like to keep it that way. He's going to keep his depressed buddy from jumping off a ledge today. That shows my empathy in good function. I didnt wig out when he told me he was going to be taking care of his friend. The truth is he needs him more than I do today.

    Oh I do think my gal pal and I might go see a movie. I like to do fun platonic gal dates on vday. Fuck cultural expectations!

    1. Oh and something tells me you will hear from Tech Boy... ;)

    2. I'm quite mixed about my V Day feelings. I think I approve of it as long as it's not taken too seriously. I enjoy making fun of it and watching Roommate smile really big when her boyfriend does something ultra beyond special for her.

      Your friend sounds like he's got a good head on his hsoulders. It's funny, even when you know things like other people may need someone more, it's often really difficult to stop the feelings of jealousy that creep up occasionally. Keeping it together is really healthy.

      I'll probably have a platonic hang out this evening as well. A buddy of my has a belated birthday present for me he wants to drop off. I told him as long as he doesn't mind me being sweaty he's welcome to join me.

      Fuck cultural expectations indeed!

      I see Tech Boy at work, but we'll see if he says anything. We had something of a serious conversation last night. I'm not sure how he's feeling right now. I really and truly won't mind though if he doesn't make anything of it. We have that awkward sort of not-quite-a-relationship which makes the rules for this sort of thing all, well, like this: Valentine's Dilemma

    3. Yeah thats why we did the night before vday. Less stress, just any other day.

      I got so used to being neglected during my marriage, and vday wasnt really any different. So now, as a defense, Ive got vday walls erected. I would much rather get tiny gestures all year long than once a year. I definitely have zero expectations now when it comes to romantic gestures. I am thankful to have been so emotionally starved for so long. It makes me appreciate all the little things so much more.

    4. "I am thankful to have been so emotionally starved for so long. It makes me appreciate all the little things so much more."

      I'm not sure I'm thankful for it, but it's definitely increased my appreciation for all those little things, haha. Neglect is so insidious. I used to be all ANTI-VALENTINE'S DAY GRRRRR, but I'm in a very good mood today, oddly, so mostly I'm just amused. I think a lot of my anti-v-day sentiment was posturing and playing to the guys around me. I was more accepted as one of the boys and 'not pressuring' relationships, which made me more fun to have around. Bleh.

      And silly as it sounds, this blog, and my social media network of just having people to chat with occasionally or leave silly notes to and from, I think is great.

      Tiny gestures all year long = the best. Hands down.

    5. Also, you were right about Tech Boy. He did ask if I wanted to do anything tonight, haha.

    6. Dont get me wrong. I would love to be whisked off on a romantic vday adventure. Hell, just dinner at a nice joint would be awesome. But since Ive never experienced what I would consider a romantic vday, I try to minimize it or else it just reminds me that Im broken and cant seem to do things the way "everyone else" does.

      Sounds like you might be having a romantic type evening though. Im hella jealous! ;) soak it up sister. Enjoy it for those of us who have no clue what that feels like.


Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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