Thursday, March 29, 2012

Quick Meds Update


I saw Psychiatrist for the first time in a few months. My actual Psychiatrist, not his PA. I tried making an appointment with her, the PA, but apparently she left to go back to school and get a higher degree. Momentary panic. I did not want to see Psychiatrist. I have made a point of seeing his PA for months and months and months. I hate that she’s not there anymore and I have to actually talk to him now.

Unhappy, thy name is Haven.

Also, my Psych office only takes cash for copayments. I got to my appointment 5 minutes early but realized I forgot that I hadn’t pulled money out of the ATM the night before because I didn’t want to pay a $3.50 processing fee. So I had to drive around like a frantic little chicken with it’s head cut off, spurting blood everywhere, until I finally found a gas station with a working ATM... and a $3.50 processing fee. Fail. Double fail because late is never ok. Never. Even when I call and let them know I'll be late. I was extremely angry by the time I got back to the office.

Anyways. I made the visit as quick as possible. I explained to Psychiatrist that  I was starting to baseline in depression again and that this time of year was notoriously bad for me. He offered to up my meds.

New Rx: 100 mg. Pristiq

The only side effect I seem to have on the Pristiq is that it inhibits my gag reflex. Insert {joke} here. Go ahead, laugh. We done now? Ok.

No, seriously. When you’re bulimic and you can’t purge because your meds won’t let your body react that way, it’s a little panic worthy. However, on the plus side, I’m not purging and I have no choice but to work on that aspect of my eating disorder. I know I can’t binge so I can’t turn to that destructive form of coping now. So yay!

Otherwise I’m still rather liking the Pristiq. I do think it stabilizes my moods and anxiety in that I definitely don’t react as extremely in an emotional sense now. I worry that it will inhibit my ability to react to ‘the good’ as well as ‘the bad’ though. I guess that’s the tradeoff though. I’ve felt a little emotionally flat lately, but that could be the depression and the complete lack of drama in my life and not necessarily my meds. Ugh. Who knows. I’m not crushingly depressed or suicidal so I’m gonna go with: Pristiq = Good.

14 comments:

  1. Ah, meds. The good, the bad, the ugly, the up, the down, the trial. You are really the best. I will keep telling you that you are awesome for all this sharing. I hope things get better. You are an amazing artist, writer, and very, very brave. Hang in. (oh i HATE saying hang in. That is what everyone says to me who doesn't know what else to say)

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    1. Aw thank you. All I can do is try. If I have to go through this crazy, maybe I can get some good out of it with my sharing of it. Haha, I'm the most optimistic pessimist I know sometimes.

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  2. I havent taken meds in years. I have taken ssri's in the past but only intermittently. Ive mostly self medicated ::rolls eyes::

    I talked to my therapist about maybe taking them, but therapy is helping immensely and I would rather not. Ive only had a few suicidal ideations in the last few months and my main problems have been my obsessive issues with my friend. I am actually on a two week prohibition from txt freakouts to my friend. It will determine the course of the relationship. It is a terrible thing I do to him. I am not proud of it and I feel horrible after, but I cant seem to stop myself when I do it. I have been working on overcoming it and now I am putting it into action. I will write that guest post for you. The way I have told it paints him in such a harsh light but thats the bpd. He is really very patient and compassionate and I do not want to abuse that any longer.

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    1. I'm less concerned with medication for "Borderline" stuff as I am with help with my depression. The borderline mood swings and all those things they to treat with anti-psychotics and I just won't have it. The depression however I've been fighting for 18/19 years on top of constant exercise and a healthy diet (and a lot of alcohol). There's just no denying I have chemical problems in my brain that I need some help adjusting.

      Therapy really does do wonders. Taking a break from the texting frenzy is probably a good thing. I imagine it will make you really stop and think about what you say before you send it. Even when it's minor I tend to obsess about certain types of texts. The "heavy content" ones make me crazy though.

      I really appreciate you writing the Guest Post for me =) I just don't have full on co-d issues and I think it would be really helpful for people to know what it can feel like so they can maybe recognize it in themselves and learn something they can take away from it in a positive light. You're a wonder. Thank you!

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    2. You are the wonder, Miss Haven! I will work on it this weekend :)

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  3. lol @ frantic little chicken with it’s head cut off, spurting blood everywhere.. and aw that sounds so stressful!!!!

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    1. Stress, stress, i really am just a big ball of stress sometimes.

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  4. yeah, wine is medicine, red for rage, and white for ..whore, haha i dk but yay for wine!

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  5. Interested in what you're discussing above, the 'text freak-out' thing. How would you define that? I'm wondering if my behaviour towards someone I know falls into that category or whether what I'm doing is reasonable and legitimate attempts to establish contact. I don't think I'm bpd, but some things strike a chord here.

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    1. Check out my latest Guest Post for 4/2 and you'll see what is meant by a text freakout.

      For me, it's when I just all of a sudden spit out my emotions, or send texts of progressive urgency and emotion when I don't get a response quick enough or too my liking.

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  6. Thanks, I did read that post and it helped a lot. I can see that my reactions are coming from that situation, but not to the same degree. What I've learned recently about my 'friend' makes me suspect that this is exactly the reaction he's trying to create in me, so he can point to me and say 'crazy bitch, never got over me leaving her'. I've decided not to play any more :)

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    1. Yikes. That's called gaslighting. I'm glad you're not falling for it!

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    2. Yeah, he actually did say to me once "I've driven people mad before". As if he was proud of himself.

      I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with me, I know full well I have issues of my own but I'll be damned if I'll let him paint me as a basket case just because it makes him feel powerful. My only problem where he's concerned is that I wanted him not to be a fake. Ah well, that's life.

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  7. "Insert {joke} here. Go ahead, laugh. We done now? Ok."

    I'm sorry. I couldn't help it! Was that going down well or badly with Tech Boy? haha.

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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