Sunday, April 29, 2012

Moving on… just not yet.

I can always tell when Roommate is going to bring up moving out.


“Oh, so  I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Uh, oh.”
“I don’t think it’s really an ‘uh-oh’ kind of thing.”

Roommate will be moving out. She first mentioned it about 6 months ago. Around this time is when she expected to be leaving. As it turns out, she has found a place, but she won’t be moving in until July.

That’s 2-3 more months! Very good news. She wanted to make sure I hadn’t found a new roomie yet to make sure that she wouldn’t be screwing up a potential move in date. Nope. I haven’t even considered looking for a replacement yet. I hate the idea of having to do that, even though I know I’m going to have to eventually. I’m putting it off as long as possible.

We had a really nice talk about helping her get moved in, decorating, and all that jazz. < ---- I can’t say this without hearing Liza in my head. Ugh. At the end of the conversation she said something along the lines of, “And I’m hoping that it’ll actually make us closer and motivate us to go out and do more things together…” At first I didn’t even realize she was talking about me. I thought she was talking about her boyfriend for a split second, because who would want to be closer to me, and then, Oh, me? Yes, me too. Especially in the last couple months we’ve been spending more time together, but I’ve still been having a hard time going out to public venues. Lately that’s been changing and I’m ecstatic about it. Even at the apartment we’ve been hanging out more, watching T.V. or movies together more, doing Sunday dinners with her boyfriend, it’s been really great. I’ve even been motivating off my butt to put on pretty clothes so we can get out on the town! Crazy!

It was just really wonderful to hear an unprompted: I know I’m going to be moving out, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you. In fact I hope it means we become even closer and go out and do more things together. I want you in my life.

It makes dealing with the transition a lot easier. Especially when she says things like this and then we do actually hang out more. It’s like, holy crap, people do actually mean what they say!

I always worry about feeling like I’m imposing on people or that they really don’t want my company. Roommate, her boyfriend, and I had plans to go out last Saturday. After some rearranging we managed to get a wonderful evening pulled together. I was sitting in the car with her boyfriend talking about how stoked we were for the evening and he told me he was glad I was coming out. It made me smile. I told him I feel like a drag sometimes when I can’t bring myself to go out, but I just have times when I can’t make it out into the public eye, I can’t deal with the eyes, or people looking at me. I’ve been feeling better though, better about myself, and I’m really excited to be in a mental space that let’s me go out and actually enjoy the people that I like spending time with.

He surprised me a lot. I’ve only known him for a little over a year, yet he responded that he could definitely tell that I’ve been feeling better lately. And he’s seen the changes in me and my happiness over the time he’s known me. On top of that, he considers me one of his best friends and someone he really appreciates spending time with. I like Roommates boyfriend a lot, he’s a great guy and treats her very well, but I never thought that he considered me a friend, let alone one of his better ones. I guess I just figured I was the roommate, and while yes, we hang out and talk and watch movies and stuff all the time, I just sort of feel removed. He’s hers. I’m on the sidelines. Not a part of it. I guess I was wrong. There are definitely times I like being wrong.

Roommate had come back to join us by this point and the three of us were all sappy and sentimental. The boyfriend was saying how even though she’ll be moving, we still have to go out all the time, and do our weekly Sunday dinners and everything. We’d all be incredibly upset if those things stopped.

And then we went on to have a really wonderful evening with another buddy of ours. The conversations were very validating and really helped ease my fears of losing touch with Roommate when she moves. Living with her has been wonderful for me. I’ll be sad when she does move, but I don’t think it will be debilitating. In fact, I’m already feeling happy for her and glad that she’s moving on to the next good stage of her life.

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