Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Why are Borderlines so Attractive: Part 2 – Mirroring


Before I begin I think it important to note that many, many people with BPD are just attractive people. If it weren’t for the emotional baggage, we are often intelligent, articulate, fun loving, caring, creative people. Like any human there’s plenty of possibility that we’re just cool people and fun to be around, unfortunately there’s the pesky emotional volatility to contend with.   
That being said, there is another aspect that often accompanies Borderline Personality Disorder that adds a little something to the attraction and allows others to look past what could be those little red flags that creep into consciousness.
Mirroring
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. Right? But how much flattery is too much flattery?
Mirroring is the psychological term for the behavior in which one person copies another person usually while in some kind of social interaction with them. This is usually subtle and almost every single person does this to some extent (especially if you’re in love!) but I think the frequency is amplified with BPD. This can include mimicking gestures, movements, displaying the same body language, using the same expressions, vocal tones, eye movements, breathing, accent, attitude, choice of words/metaphors, or other aspects of similar communication.
Have you ever been talking to a guy or girl you like and found yourself smiling just because they’re smiling? Or moving a hand to fix your hair when they run a hand through theirs? Yeah, that’s mirroring. What it does is create sort of a subconscious connection between two people that demonstrates that you’re in sync, and therefore well matched.
This is pretty common with couples and close friends. It is in fact, a natural human behavior and a component of attraction. Smiling when the story teller is smiling, frowning when they frown. Since people usually accept their mirror image easily, mirroring the person whom your speaking too can make them feel more relaxed and encourages them to open up. There’s also the aspect that mimicry is often flattering and when someone mirrors your behavior it provides a sense of validation for the person you are. Who doesn’t want and need validation of the person they are?
So if it’s natural than why are you mentioning it? Because BPD is a disorder of relationships and extremes. The behavior is pretty normal, but in someone with BPD the frequency and depth of the mirroring often surpasses what would be considered normal and healthy.
Just look how much you have in common! I find with BPD this can go a little further to the point where we often emphasize the knowledge and interest with have concerning the subject material of the person we’re interested in as well. I’ll mention things he/she has shown an interest in far more often then I’ll mention things that I’m interested in but they know little about (I’m actually getting much better about not doing this.)
Like issues with a flexible sense of self, this is never something I do on purpose. I don’t set out to mirror someone to purposely manipulate them into feeling more comfortable with me. No. I just get caught up in conversation or being with them in a way that exaggerates feeling how they’re feeling. Like an experience of uber empathy and I’ll catch myself acting like them. It’s strange.
To this day I still have quirks that I’ve acquired from exes. For example, when I’m stressed out, I’ve often found myself pinching the bridge of my nose.
It sort of allows us to become more of a chameleon in relationships. Letting us blend with the person we’re interested in and create a faster familiarity. I’m often told that I’m very comfortable to be around, and I wonder if it’s because I display mirroring.
I think this happens in therapy with me. Therapist is always very calm. So when I’m around her I also feel very calm. It’s hard for me to get worked up about things that a few minutes prior had really bothered me, because it just seems silly at this point. When my environmental context changes, often my attitude and emotions do to. They mirror the situation that I’m in. I’ve always just thought this was “being appropriate for the environment”, and honestly I still do, but I can also see where mirroring comes into play.
However, it can be taken too far. To the point where too many of your actions or communication stylings become aligned with how our partner speaks and acts. It’s so easy to pick up on the quirks of another person that we often lose our own way of doing or saying things. This can be taken to the point where even the things we used to hope and dream about become subverted without us even realizing and replaced with the hopes and dreams of our partner. What you want becomes what we want and we can’t even pin point when it happened because it happens so gradually.
I think it’s really important to try and recognize when this happens. There’s a difference between supporting and appreciating the goals of your significant other or sharing new mutual interests, and actually acquiring them as something you yourself are striving for. Especially when you do eventually realize that these things were never a part of the person you are. I found this happening a lot of Evil-Ex and his silly schemes and desires. I was happy to do whatever it was that he was up to, but some part of it always felt hollow. I was involved but something was a bit detached. I was more interested in the fact that having this mutual interest allowed us to spend more time together than actually doing the thing itself. Of course I didn’t realize that at the time, but in retrospect I can see that’s what I was doing. I was acquiring things he liked so we would have more in common and therefore more opportunities to be together. After a while though it began to feel like we only did things his way, or things he wanted to do. I’d remember things I was interested in and become very resentful that he’d never give my interests any time when I dedicated SO MUCH energy to his.
Being hypersensitive to the way that people around me speak and act, I constantly analyze and overanalyze the things they say and do in relation to me. It’s so natural for me to pick up on the things that make someone happy or sad, angry or annoyed. I think mirroring actually aids this, because you’re putting yourself in that persons’ shoes. It makes it easier for me to predict what a person is thinking or feeling if I skew up my eyes or lips the way they do. Hell sometimes it’s easier for me to figure out what I’m feeling if I look in the mirror and actually look at my own expression.
It’s strange. I have little connection to the image I see in my mirror. She often seems foreign to me. I’m so detached from who I am much of the time, maybe it’s natural to try to find myself in the people around me.
On some level I do believe that you are who you choose to be. If I see someone with traits or characteristics that I value, but don’t currently embody, I will make a conscious effort to try and incorporate those things into my life. To me this is just working to make myself a better person though. The person I want to be.
I’m rambling and unfocused today. My apologies.  
In conclusions, mirroring the actions and behaviors of other people is normal and provides an easy connection and familiarity but someone with BPD will often do this to an extreme without even realizing they’re doing it. At least not right away.

20 comments:

  1. I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday while researching yet another med that I'm hesitant on taking. After years of getting treatment for addiction, seeing numerous therapists, unstable relationships, depression, eating disorder, unstable identity, and changing my mind all the time, etc.... I went on my own to get a psych eval and turns out that this whole time its been BPD.. Thanks for your blog its very intuitive and helpful.. I was just laughing when I read the post on mirroring, I was in a relationship once where I was actually going to buy a nascar for dummies book because the guy I was dating was an avid fan.. and i HATE nascar!! Sorry fans.. I had another guy tell me he couldnt figure me out.. I wasn't a hippie, preppie, goth, punk, jock but somehow seemed to make it all work together... When I finally had gotten a place on my own and wasnt in a relationship for the first time in my life I spent an hour in the grocery store and walked out with pop, and sandwich stuff.. I couldnt figure out what I actually liked to eat, just kept grabbing stuff and putting it back.. Ive gotten better with this stuff over the years and still look for qualities in others that I like but not to the extreme that I used too.

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    1. "I wasn't a hippie, preppie, goth, punk, jock but somehow seemed to make it all work together..."

      Yep, that's me too =) I like the 'diversity' I seem to have though.

      Happy to have you here. I've definitely come to a point where I know a lot of what I like, but I certainly find myself preferencing things that I "discovered" with other people. I don't find music on my own, but if I'm listening to something with someone that I like, I'm more inclined to like that music and it sticks with me. Is strange.

      Or left to my own devices I'll eat the same thing over and over. I don't bother looking for something new unless I have someone else to cook for and find something that they enjoy also.

      Oh my. I hope with a new diagnosis and new meds you'll be on a path to healing.

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  2. *rewrites Haven's blog and posts it on my own non-existent blog, post for post*

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    1. Do it! I'd be interested in seeing your perspective on things =)

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  3. perfect post! And hi Haven!! Missed reading your stuff, i've been awol for a bit.

    Anyway, your post is totally accurate, and it's scary how we can morph. Shows how fragile/moveable we potentially are. But I think it can be a good thing too. Swings and roundabouts. LOL.

    :)

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    1. Hi there notme! Miss you babe =) What have you been up to?

      It really is nuts how we can shift to different things, especially when it can happen without even realizing it!

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    2. sorry, just saw this. I've been busier which is good, got a part time job which is better than nothing lol. but yeh, not been online much, but i'm back, kinda! :)

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  4. Yeah. Lots of costumes in my closet. The first thing I do when I meet someone is find out what they like and do whatever that thing is. I've wanted to do it. For them. For us~ haha. Fuck that, there's no "us" if I'm a fabrication. I just don't want to do it anymore. And I think it's very easy for me to get pissed if they are't clear with what they want. Don't confuse me, make a decision, dammit. I'm not ur yo yo LOL.

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    1. For me it's not even really a conscious effort. I'm more myself and it's like a slow morphing as I get to know them that I don't even always notice.

      That clarity is often crucial. I'm surprised my current relationship isn't driving me batty because we don't have picture perfect boundaries and lines.

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  5. Goddamn, this all sounds a lot like me.

    What would you call me if everything you've described holds true for me, except I find other people tiresome and I enjoy time spent alone almost more than anything else in the world?

    I certainly used to be BPD. I can relate to the fear of abandonment and lonely frustrate (relate is a funny word... I can remember feeling that way, but not how it actually felt), but I feel like something has changed within me. I don't get lonely anymore. I don't even remember what it feels like to miss another human being.

    I have ridiculous superficial charm. People are drawn to me. I've never really understood why. Since I've become a bit more self-aware, I've realized it's because I'm so adept at personality mirroring. I never could understand why people liked me, because I never felt like my personality had substance. Now I realize it's because I just show them what they like about themselves. It's not something I consciously do, though. Even though I really don't care what other people think, nor do I need or want them to like me, I ALWAYS find myself mirroring to ease through social situations. Part of me LOVES conflict and can be very aggressive, but that's rare. I'm content to put myself on the backburner, and am not very often offended (I'll put on my Offended mask, all the while smirking mischievously in the back of my mind), simply to let the other person feel like they have the upper hand (an underestimated opponent has the greatest advantage). But, at the same time, if someone were to degrade or humiliate me, I would either sink into a vicious rage (in which I'm genuinely considering killing the person) or into a very deep bought of self-loathing. Other people's opinions don't often mean much to me (criticism can bite, but complements are just uncomfortable or unnecessary), but there are often triggers that give me a flashback of past emotional abuse. Insulting or questioning my intelligence really, really, really angers me. I'm passive, not stupid.

    God, this is an incoherent mess.

    Allow me to level with you: I frequent SociopathWorld, and wanted to post my story to see if you thought I was more Borderline or Sociopath. My intent was not to tell you, to provoke what I hoped to be a more "blind" assessment, but then I realized that I'm playing into my own manipulation. I *want* you to tell me I'm a sociopath... primarily because I'm at least partially certain I'm not. I feel far too much anxiety. Far too much. And I've never been able to get it under control. Even when I'm not rationally, consciously, mentally anxious, my body still shakes and my hearts races, my palms sweat and I twitch like a frightened animal... all the while, my mind is calm and/or peeved that my body is so fucking weak.

    I feel I'm in the middle of a 3-circle venn diagram: Borderline, Antisocial and Schizoid.

    I think I was a Borderline with exaggerated Avoidant traits, and this was too much for me to handle, so I learned to "turn off" the feeling and have become a BPD/Schizoid with Sociopathic tendencies.

    It doesn't bother me, I'm just frustrated by not being able to put a solid label on it (my OCD coming out). I don't give two shits about being a "good" or "bad" person (stupid fucking labels, if you ask me), I just want to know who I am (or what I am, if I'm being more honest)

    Some SW tweets I can fully identify with:

    "I am unable to identify with my emotions from the my past. I can store the memory of events very well, but not the memory of emotions"

    "I am distracted and lost in my own pain. This gives the appearance of empathizing; it's not. I don't cry for the other; I cry for myself."

    "I am a "what", not a "who" because I'm a sum of qualities. But for some reason I can't make them add up to an identity."

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    1. I just realized that I posted two contradictory quotes. To clarify, I DO feel emotion, it's just rare, egocentric, and almost always of short duration.

      And while I know I'm good at manipulating people (if I really want something, I know how to get it), I don't often find myself do it. When I do, it usually just to make them comfortable around me to make our interaction easier, more efficient, and shorter.

      I cannot form emotional bonds with people, and it doesn't really bother me. Often I do romanticize interpersonal relationships and dream of finding someone who truly loves me and that I can truly love... and I feel some slight stir within me, a desire for companionship... but when I think about REAL people, it vanishes. I'd like companionship, but sitting here right now, I can't think of a single person that I would actually want true companionship with. I'm not in love with people, I'm in love with the idea of people. I'm in love with the idea of loving people. It's a shame that I just can't. I can't bond with people, and I usually can't see any reason why I'd even want to.

      It's never felt this "cold" or "evil," but people are essentially a means to an end for me. My primary driving force the past few years has been the pursuit of intoxication. I picked my friends based on common drug preferences, but always felt somewhat "connected" to them. Then, when they stopped using drugs, I lost interest in them completely. I based my friends around who could get me high, but it didn't feel like manipulation because I was always ready to throw in.

      I've had so many friends fall out of my life because we stopped sharing common interests that I had to stop and ask: what defines interpersonal relationships? I never thought of myself as abnormal, but clearly this isn't normal. Bad? No. But definitely not normal, either.

      I seek out mutually-beneficial relationships. It's a decent way to do things. I just need to better understand to the other side to pin down my true traits. You can't compare and contrast from only one side, so I've come to you: What to do think? And please be brutally honest. God knows I wouldn't be anything less.

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    2. God, my grammar is fucking atrocious this evening. I apologize, it's been a long day and, for some reason, I really needed to get that off my chest.

      Can I be a sociopath if I feel anxiety? Can I be a borderline if I don't mind being alone? Am I just schizoid?

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    3. Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. Here we go.
      First of all, I’m an engineer, not a psychologist so I can’t give you an actual diagnosis. What I know of personality disorders and psychology are from my own experiences, from what I’ve researched, and from the people I know.

      I am Borderline was exaggerated Avoidant tendencies. Avoidances is one of my favorite, albeit unintentional, coping mechanisms. I think you can be Borderline and prefer to be alone. I’ve adopted this at many points in my life. If you’re alone, you can’t be abandoned, because there isn’t anyone to abandon you. But it’s lonely and other issues often crop up.

      Can you tell me what has qualified you for BPD in the past? I assume you’ve never had a professional diagnosis?

      A lot of what you say reminds me of me. Especially to strangers and those not very close to me I am extremely charming and everyone seems to enjoy being around me. I mirror subconsciously too. Evenings can be more fun when there is no conflict and everything goes according to plan… having other people that are amenable to you makes this much easier.

      I understand the rage or self-loathing at criticism, but usually you need a trigger for this to occur, because in general people don’t mean much. People aren’t static and there are often exceptions to our general rules of behavior.

      Sociopath World is a fun place isn’t it. I do know that sociopaths can feel anxiety, but I’m told it’s often fleeting and not for extended periods of time. And of course they can feel emotions to, they’re just very, very shallow and short lived. It’s the lack of empathy towards other people that is the big definer.

      However, I’ve also gone through many, many phases where I have been incapable of empathy or emotion.
      You haven’t really given me any indicators of Schizoid tendencies. I can see some Borderline/Antisocial stuff but honestly not enough to say you even have a personality disorder at all. To me it sounds like you could have an Anxiety Disorder and maybe a Dissociative Disorder of some kind.

      "I am unable to identify with my emotions from the my past. I can store the memory of events very well, but not the memory of emotions" …. I struggle with this constantly. Unless I’m in the moment I can’t continue to feel my emotions. I recall that I have at one time experienced them, but I can’t continue to feel them now. This is part of my dissociation.

      "I am distracted and lost in my own pain. This gives the appearance of empathizing; it's not. I don't cry for the other; I cry for myself." This is like my funeral theory. People don’t cry at funerals because they’re sad for the person that died. They’re sad for themselves. They’re not crying for the dead, they’re crying for themselves and for the living. Being distracted and lost in your own pain sounds like a Borderline trait to me, not a Sociopathic one. Be careful of the context of M.E.’s tweets. He doesn’t just post things said by sociopaths.

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    4. Shallow, short, ecocentric emotional affect is a sociopathic trait. Manipulating people is really common. All people manipulate, from salesmen to the girl running for prom queen.

      The thing to remember about personality disorders is that it’s only a disorder if it’s affects your life in a way that is extremely disruptive. To have these thoughts and feelings but not have the impulsive NEED to act on them, is pretty normal. The ability to suppress those urges takes great force of will for someone with impulsive and disruptive tendencies.
      It takes me years to form a definitive emotional bond with people normally. This is largely due to my dissociation and my inability to connect with my own emotions. If you can’t connect with your own emotions it’s almost impossible to connect with someone else in a significant way. So I can’t say if this is BPD, ASPD, or just dissociation.

      When you talk about idealizing romantic love, that’s something I’ve heard from many people. Even myself. Being in love with the idea of someone, but not necessarily with a genuine human being. I’m not sure what to tell you. People don’t fall in love with just anyone, even if someone would be “appropriate” and is right in front of them. Interpersonal chemistry is an elusive creature. You may simply have not found someone that turns you on in a way that can appreciate on a deeper level. Or you may be incapable of feeling emotions of that kind which could indicate ASPD, dissociation, types of depression, all kinds of things.
      Why have you been focused primarily on intoxication for the past couple years? That’s also something to take into consideration. Drugs and alcohol change your physiology. You may actually be deadening your ability to respond emotionally without the aid of chemical assistance. This isn’t a personality disorder at all, but a chemical alteration of your body.

      Don’t judge yourself too harshly on having shorter lived relationships because interests change. It seems logical to me that if you are interested in people for a particular thing and they no longer do that thing, then you would no longer have need for them in your life. If you’re letting go of people that you truly found interesting on other levels beyond the drugs, those are the relationships I would wonder about.
      I also know that a huge part of why I have difficulty attaching to people is that I don’t trust people. I purposefully develop shallow relationships to meet my need for companionship but to prevent the ability of deeper wounding. When these relationships end, it doesn’t bother me because I haven’t let them get close enough to me in the first place.

      From what you’ve told me I don’t have enough to go on, to decide whether you have a PD or not. I can tell you it sounds like you have issues with anxiety and dissociation, and not gonna lie, I think a lot of your shallow relationship issues may be due more to the drugs than an inability to experience these things. If you’ve been able to experience closeness in the past, but you no longer know how or feel like you can, ask yourself when this started and the situations that may have contributed to it.

      I go through periods of extreme emotionlessness and lack of empathy because my defense mechanisms are kicking in and shutting down the parts of my system that would open me up to potential emotional pain. It doesn’t make me ASPD in those times though.

      I’m not going to be as much help to you without more information. Can you tell me more of what made you think BPD in the past (in terms of the 9 diagnostic criteria)?

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    5. Thanks for the response! There's a lot I'm going to try to cover here, so I'm going to do my best to keep it organized and coherent.

      First off, I shouldn't have said that I was certainly BPD in the past. I just definitely felt like I had many symptoms consistent with it, and an upbringing that mirrored the environmental factors hypothesized to contribute to it.

      As for the rage/self-loathing: I don't feel these very often anymore, and they're certainly not as intense as they used to be. I used to be very, very depressed (I was diagnosed as having Major Depressive Disorder, later rediagnosed as Dysthymia), but I haven't been in a while. I remember very clearly how it felt to hate myself day-in and day-out, to fantasize about suicide endlessly because I felt like I didn't deserve to live... but, again, I haven't felt that way in a while. I've learned how to accept myself for who I am, so I like being me now. But, like you said, there are often triggers for short-lived periods of semi-intense shame. I've learned how to cope with it, to let it fade, and to forgive myself for whatever set it off. I've also learned to not just pass the blame (as I used to do very often. It's much easier to blame someone else for your mistakes, though that never really made me feel better about myself...). I think the reason I mentioned it is that these occurences are rare enough that when they do occur, they stand out significantly. Normally I feel calm and in
      control, smooth in my own skin.

      And anxiety: What counts as an extended period of time? It's so hard to contextualize these concepts because I have nothing to compare my experiences against. It's hard for me to tell how much and how often I feel anxiety, though once I start questioning it (like I did with shame), it's easier for me to pinpoint specific instances of it and utilize some self-taught coping mechanisms. Through several *difficult* drug experiences (I always preferred psychedelics to purely recreational highs because I loved picking my own mind apart and separating my true self from my ego). I've learned to detach myself and take more objective look at what it going on behind the scenes. It's rather fascinating when you start noticing your own patterns of thought and behavior, and even more fascinating when you learn how to alter/correct them. I've been working on my own to cope with my anxieties and maladapted thoughts/behaviors (e.g. passing the blame to reduce one's internal shame/humilation). I've taught myself how to be comfortable taking responsibility for my mistakes, if only for my own personal growth.

      (Cont...)

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    6. Back to anxiety: I also have a hard time determining what anxiety actually is, since it seems like a purely physical response to me. It seems like I have an overactive sympathetic nervous system. Situations in which I should not be anxious, in which I am not consciously anxious, occasionally make me physically anxious, though I have noticed that this is a lot more likely to happen when I am using drugs (marijuana primarily, but I do love me some stims every now and then, though I would expect them to have that affect on me). Though there are a lot of times where I find some lingering social anxiety poking through and I catch myself obsessively worrying about the image I'm presenting. I've definitely seen Narcissistic traits in myself, as I am at least partially driven by a need to be respected. I don't care for attention too much, and prefer to stay in the background, but I hate knowing someone doesn't respect me (or my intelligence. I think I am mostly concerned that people think I'm dumb or mentally handicapped because I'm so withdrawn and reserved). When someone disrespects my intelligence, it either sends me into a vengeful rage (which burns out very quickly, sending me back to my normal calm/collected state, though with lingering vengeful fantasies) or a deep shame (which is generally short-lived, rarely lasting for more than 5-10 minutes, though sometimes longer if I'm already in a bad mood, but it's more likely to evolve into rage at that point).

      But those aren't things I feel very often. It's not unusual for me to go days (or even longer) without feeling either... and since those are pretty much the only things I ever feel (aside from an occasional self-pity that I can kinda conjure up and dispose of at will - much, much, much more rare, since I usually don't see any reason to pity myself anymore), it follows that I can often go days at all without feeling any significant emotion. And it's definitely not the depressed numbness. I just feel carefree, operating without expectation or true desire, just seeing where the flow of the universe takes me. I don't feel like I have much stake in this world. I don't care too much about money or material possessions. I prefer to spend my money on experiences. After all, you can't take anything with you when you die, so why should I really give a fuck? I just don't understand how anyone COULD give a fuck about money or material possessions or finding their socially-accepted role in the machine. It just seems so goddamn pointless. You live and then you die. When you die, this life is over. For good. I believe in reincarnation, but that's a subject for a different rant. What I'm getting at is that there is no inherent meaning of life. We're animals who have just gained a modest amount of self-awareness (and most not even that).

      Perhaps my inability to connect is due to my need to connect on an intellectual level. Since I experience a strikingly low range of emotion, I can't empathize, so I can't connect on an emotional level. I can see people experiencing emotion, know that they're experiencing emotion, and even understanding why they are experiencing it and more or less what it means to them... but I cannot relate, at all. I find emotional displays annoying and uncomfortable. I hate having to try to comfort someone when what I'm really thinking is, "it's not that big of a deal, let it go and move on." I suppose that's partly because of how I was raised; I had an emotionally stunted and distant mother (my father is a malignant narcissist, of THAT I am completely certain) and an emotionally abusive step-father. Long story short, emotional displays were treated as weakness, so I can't help but see emotion as weakness, especially when it can't be controlled.

      I don't know. I'm not sure if I've said anything of substance, or just rambled on.

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  6. I am so guilty of doing this!
    I have many different friends ....
    I love different types of music....

    I don't mind being able to fit in most social situations,
    I just hate that I empathize too much sometimes. Its like I take on pwoples emotions.
    its been getting worse as I get older.

    S

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  7. Sounds like youre describing what it's like to be empathic or emapthic/intuituve. ..

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  8. Unfocused? Rambling? I thought it made complete sense and you conveyed many deep and complex experiences well. As a result I'm completely empathising with u!! (roll eyes!)

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  9. I can't figure out what I am. I can't seem to find my identity. And I'm wondering if I actually do have BPD. I dated a girl on And off for 2 years who had BPD. We would always split up And come back. She put me through so much pain, stress and anxiety. I've always had anxiety issues really bad. I don't trust anyone at all. Also I find myself mirroring like you spoke of earlier. Anyways the girl I dated would always cheat on me. Push me away. Then come back. We would be fine at first then it starts all over again like a viscous cycle. I've dated other girls But I could never find one deep enough like with her. There was something about her that made me Keep coming back for pain. She always told me she was leaving me for my own good And I always begged for her to stay. Like people with BPD I feared more then anything in the world to be abandoned But only by her. We finally split up And who knows if it's for good or not But I started asking myself Why do I do this to myself And if I was the problem too. I want to figure out what is wrong with me so I started looking up information about disorders. One in particular BPD. I realised like u said before I met this girl I always wanted to be alone. That way no one could ever leave me. I never trusted anyone, that way I could never get hurt. People tell me I'm really comfortable to be around. I'm also really charming And make good company. Just looking back at my whor life right now. I always switched on to new things without even realizing it. Always one to the other. I noticed I always felt alone And sorta empty. I often get really angry to certain triggers. To the point of no stopping me. I honestly don't even know Where to begin with this. I Have too much on my mind. Just is it possible that I absorbed this girls BPD? or have I had it this whole time And she has triggered it And made me realise it?

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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