Monday, September 24, 2012

Quotes from the Borderline





“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

~Steve Furtick~





One of the reasons I often think I’m a bad person is because I remember all the hurtful things I’ve done, all the pain I’ve experienced, and I refuse to let it fall into the background so that no matter how good I become, how much positive change I work towards, I always feel tainted by my past. This seems unfair to myself, because I’ll be the first person to tell others that it’s who they are now, who they choose to become, that matters most. I believe this. But because I cling so tightly to that behind-the-scenes, that archive, I factor that into everything, and don’t have that same experience with everyone else… it results in me judging myself much more harshly. I often feel like because I’ve struggled with things, and it appears to have been easier for someone else, that I’m not as worthy of that thing, my knowledge is somehow lessened, my accomplishment is diminished because of my struggle… when really I think it shouldn’t be diminished, but perhaps lauded, because despite the fact that something did not come easily, I did not give up, I pushed on despite the difficulty.

It’s hard to not compare ourselves to others. It rarely ever results in anything but unpleasantness. Either you’re judging someone else, or judging yourself.


We should try to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Not the best impersonation of someone else. 






6 comments:

  1. Hello. Thanks for the honesty of your posts over the last week or so. We seem to be struggling with many of the same issues at present. I have been feeling very alone in it to be honest, reading your posts does make me feel less alone. I carry my past within me more than I want to but it is hard to let go. I believe that my light is a seldom thing.... The darkness of my past and my illnesses feels at times like they are visible to all. I struggle with relationships and intimacy so much that most of the time I choose to be alone. I have shared my life with the same man for 23 years and he has remained one of my closest supporters. You would think I would trust him but I don't, you would think I would feel comfortable curling up with him on the couch but I don't and you would think that I could give him all of me but I can't. What do I have to give him? DBT is helping but it is also forcing me to look at so much that is so painful. Rage is a constant visitor at the moment and although I am trying hard to use my skills I feel like I need much bigger weapons to control it....... When it comes I change and I become someone I do not like at all. She harms and she causes harm and she is filled with pain that has built since she was very small. I am seeing my therapist today and it is going to be a hard visit after a tough few days with my raging soul. I feel ashamed and fearful that it might return. On a good note I walked my gorgeous dog this morning along the beach. The are filming parts of the new Wolverine movie her in our little beachside community. They filmed last night so we sat and watched the guys pulling apart an amazing set. I love Wolverine because I understand him.... Take care dear one and remember that you are not alone especially in your feelings and thoughts about TechBoy. Relationships are hard for us and hard for those who love us. Karina.

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  2. I'm not sure how to proceed. I am not capable of being the best version of myself.

    I am, for a few months, but then nope.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not sure what to tell you. Do you even want to change or be a better version of you?

      They say it takes at least 66 days to form new good habits.

      See something you like or value, and just go with it until it sticks. Or if it doesn't, it doesn't. Acceptance and moving in a new direction aren't bad thing either.

      Delete
  3. To quote the great sage Dr Seuss "today you are you that is truer than true there is no one else who is youer than you." I have that on my wall in vinyl lettering in my meditation room. It helps!

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  4. I've stolen a couple of things from your blog and pasted on mine. Hope that is okay. Guess it has to be. http://black-puppy.blogspot.com.au/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure, just cite me, and maybe link back to the full article.

      Delete

Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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