Friday, October 19, 2012


So I was going to post today, but then I found out that a guy I know caused a situation that killed a cop. 

Like I said, oops! 

It's strange. He had been good friends with my Evil-Ex a long, long time ago, until he also realized what kind of horrific person he was. After which he met me, then he used to have a huge crush on me. This was a few years ago.


I'm trying to figure out how I feel about this. At one point I knew him, eh, okay. And despite his foibles he was actually a really decent guy. However. I also know waaaaaaay too much about those foibles to have an incredible amount of sympathy for him. I've been arguing with people about what his odds are and whether or not he can expect leniency. 

Amusingly, though perhaps not surprisingly, during my brain debates how I respond, and my levels of sympathy and compassion change depending on who I picture myself talking to. 

On the one hand, I know he's a nice guy, with a BARRAGE of his own issues. He very, very clearly has anxiety and depression issues. I mean SEVERE anxiety issues. Not too mention his drug issues. 

Which have been a long line of problems and issues, and insanity in his life for way longer than I've known him. Actually they are worth mentioning. Because his extreme history of drug use is  of why I think he needs this kind of wake up call. 

On the other hand, he would never last in jail. He's really, really intelligent, and actually very caring, but he's an extreme germophobe. He's small, and frail. He would be someone's bitch and probably kill himself at the prospect of contracting something. That's is in no way an exaggeration. Him killing himself is a very real possibility. 

It's been extremely distracting today. 

So yeah. This in no way effects me directly, and yet, everyone I know feels like it's the most important topic in the world. It is for him, but I'm not sure why everyone else feels the need to get so involved, or talk to me about it. The world may never know. 

Yay Friday! 


  1. I understand what you mean about not feeling like the issue concerns you very much. I often feel like other people get way too worked up when someone dies.
    Rationally, I recognize and understand that untimely death is hard for people to process. Emotionally however, my feelings are usually summed up by "big deal cry babies, move on already." Unless of course we're talking about my two childhood dogs, in which case I still get teary eyed. (just typing that out makes me feel really bad that I don't feel the same about my recently deceased grandmother)

    I too am puzzled by this need to analyze, re-analyze, nitpick, lament, and otherwise devote excessive attention to such situations. Mostly I just wish I could tell people that I dont give a hoot about it one way or the other and they shouldn't either. But then again, I know I'm the weirdo, not them.

  2. It's just something interesting to talk about. or "shocking".

    How did he cause a situation that killed a cop?

  3. Hi Haven,

    I ran into your blog today and it is really encouraging to see you changing your life for the better. I would love your recommendation on how I can get my girlfriend to see a therapist. We've been dating about 1.5 years - she is unbelievably gorgeous and intelligent, and I really think she has an opportunity to enhance the rest of her life given that she is so young (27 yo). I began noticing the push/pull cycle and emotional volatility after about 7-8 months. At first, I thought it was her stressful work environment leaking into our relationship. Over time, I got clues that it may be more than work hampering her feelings. She has said things such as "I feel worthless," "you could do better," and would openly admit to forgetting about people if they weren't physically around. I talked to a psychologist after one of her push cycles this morning and she believes it is BPD. I was really fortunate to have supportive parents so I'm pretty relaxed and always try to understand her context and not take any rage personally. We are in a good state right now, but I know that something could change her attitude in a split second. That said, I am really hopeful about DBT techniques and the amazing long-term recovery rate for BPD. Do you have any suggestions for how I should suggest treatment or get her to a therapist? She has admitted to feeling symptoms of depression and when I suggested we find someone to talk to about it she seemed a little offended. Granted, depression alone doesn't hit the gamut of symptoms she has. Should I ask her if she thinks she may have BPD (perhaps send her wiki article and a link from one of your blog posts?) and tell her that there is a really good recovery rate without relapse (86% over 6 yrs)? If she gets upset at me and doesn't want to see me should I email her with resources?

    It's difficult because she is fairly high functioning (massive revenue responsibility for a fashion company, degree from a top school) but her tumultuous relationships have left her without many close friends. I appreciate the blog and your support! Keep up the awesome work.


  4. Wow, that's a serious charge. Sure, he's small, fragile, and would be someone's bitch, but he also did something that ended in a police officer losing his life. Was it his fault? Or accidental? If it's completely his fault, then there's only so much you can feel sorry for him going to jail, germophobe or not.


Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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