Friday, November 23, 2012

Thanksgiving Irony is Ironic

Having battled bulimia since I was 12/13 years old, it's not surprising that Thanksgiving - a holiday that revolves almost entirely around gorging yourself silly on holiday food - is not my favorite time of year. (The fact that I do a special Eating Disorder Thanksgiving post every year is probably a give away as well.)

Last year was the first year since then that I can remember having a pretty okay time, actually enjoying my family, and succeeding at a goal of moderate evening an zero purging. 

This year was a little different for me. I didn't make the 8 hour drive to see my family this year. I stayed in New York. So that was odd. Roommate Monroe wanted me to spend Thanksgiving with her family, which was originally the plan. 

I had two goals for this Thanksgiving:

1. Have an alcohol free holiday.
2. Refrain from binging and purging. 


Two goals. Keeping them small and achievable. Or so I thought. 

I succeeded on the first one. No alcohol, yay me. 

As for the second goal, well, as it turns out I couldn't spend the holiday with Monroe's family either. I tried to go to the gym in the morning. Walking moderately fast made me dizzy. I was having hot and cold flashes where my heart would start to race. I was feverish.... I was sick. So I ended up spending the day cuddled up on the couch with my cats. 

I had the oddest cravings for simple carbs (pasta, pizza, and accompanying tomato sauce) which I never eat. I am simply obsessed with fresh fruits, vegetables, and yogurt. I eat mostly organic whole foods. I love my green smoothies. I actually miss being vegan sometimes. Anyways. All of those things that I love made my stomach turn... not that I could actually eat them, just the thought of them made me want to vomit. 

So I caved to the idea of some nice pasta and organic tomato sauce. Try as I might, my stomach didn't like that either. I tried eating twice yesterday and both times my stomach rebelled. 

So there you have my holiday irony. A goal of  not overeating b/c I specifically did not want to engage in my bad purging habits. Except even when I didn't over eat, my body needed to throw up anyways, just because I was sick. 

 Frankly I think I technically succeeded in my 2nd goal as well. I wasn't being bad by choice. I was just the victim of an unfortunate stomach bug. Oh well, there's always next year.

How did you fare? Did you manage to get through the holiday alright? 



3 comments:

  1. Made it through pretty well, ready for bed right now though! That's too bad you had a sickly year. You're right, there is always next year! - Hang in there!

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  2. so sorry you were sick... & hope you are healthy now! & i have faith that you would have achieved your goals had you been well, so..keep up the good work! :)

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  3. Sorry to hear that you ended up being sick. I feel like the only one in my family who actually portions my meals. "I do portion my food," says my uncle, as he takes a tiny scoop of mashed potatoes. "See?" Meanwhile, his plate is still a mountain, just a mountain of 25 'tiny' things all pushed together.

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