Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Attachment Styles and Close Relationships: An Interactive Survey


Attachment is such a strange thing. I mean, it’s a completely normal and natural part of being human, but then again, I have problems with object constancy so feeling attached feels a little foreign. I want to know the security of that feeling more than, quite a lot of other things, but I’m really unsure what a long lasting secure attachment is like in a relationship. Honestly the closest thing I think I have is my relationship with my sister. You know what, that’s not just close to it, that definitely is a healthy, secure attachment. My brother is up there too. Now I just need to figure out how to do that with people I’m not related too. Sometimes I think the hardest part about developing real attachments and connections is that they take so long to become the firm, permanent thing they should be. I want to know now, but that’s just not the way those kinds of things work. Oh well.

As promised, this is an interactive survey to help you figure out your attachment style. It’s quick. CLICK HERE!

Unsurprisingly fall into the Fearful-Avoidant Quadrant.

“Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence.”

I scored:

Attachment-related anxiety score is 5.60, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety).
Attachment-related avoidance score is 6.10, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

“According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.



That about sums me up in a nutshell. Of course the reasons for why I developed like this are important, varied, and incredibly complex… but things like this can be helpful to show us what we may want to work on a little more.









11 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Crap! So sorry about that. It's been such a busy/stressful day! I updated the blog.

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  2. From a functional point of view Object Constancy might perhaps be the underlying basis of borderline pathology.

    "All infants up until a certain age experience anxiety when their mom leaves the room (like at nap time), as they haven't yet acquired the sense that she'll return for them. At a specific stage in an infant's development, he/she begins to learn and trust that the mother will eventually return, after she leaves her baby's presence for awhile; this is referred to as object constancy. In Borderlines, this phase of their growth was not successfully negotiated. They weren't able to gain a solid sense of trust with their first 'object' of attachment (the mother). This often spawns an issue called anxious attachment--which manifests in their adult relationships as intense/irrational abandonment fears, extreme jealousy, a deep sense of despair when alone, panic attacks, etc."

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  3. Thanks for this. I scored a 'secure' style! If only I had the secure relationship to prove it..

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  4. Self assessment of your attachment style is not very reliable - We tend to have blind-spots when viewing our own selves.

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    Replies
    1. Oh this is completely true. Any internet survey should be taken with a grain of salt and not taken in place of real professional consultation.

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  5. I got the same as you pretty much. My little blue dot was right over the "ful" in the word "fearful-avoidant". This was an intersting survey. Thanks! :)

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  6. I fall into the dismissive quadrant. Attachment-related anxiety score is 2.88. Attachment-related avoidance score is 4.83, Sounds about right.

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  7. Attachment-related anxiety score is 6.90
    Attachment-related avoidance score is 4.22

    "Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the fearful quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that fearful people tend to have much difficulty in their relationships. They tend to avoid becoming emotionally attached to others, and, even in cases in which they do enter a committed relationship, the relationship may be characterized by mistrust or a lack of confidence"

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  8. Attachment-related anxiety score is 2.50 and attachment-related avoidance score is 4.80.

    Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the dismissing quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that dismissing people tend to prefer their own autonomy--oftentimes at the expense of their close relationships. Although dismissing people often have high self-confidence, they sometimes come across as hostile or competitive by others, and this often interferes with their close relationships.

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Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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