Friday, March 22, 2013

Darkness dragging on

Sorry Everyone.

I’m having a terrible time at the moment. I’ve reached a point where I honestly can’t tell if my unhappiness is just me or if the world around me simply sucks that bad. It’s probably an unhealthy mix of both.

Empty, thoughts of cutting, not necessarily thoughts of suicide but, not being able to see my future or see the point of bothering with having a future. The weight of it all just seems like so much sometimes. With so very little to look forward too. The moments of light and laughter come and go so quickly it’s like they were never there at all. Fortunately I’ve lived with these times so often for so long, that I know they’ll pass. The moments drag and it can be so hard to remember there can be an end to them, but I do know now that there is an end.  This won’t last forever.

I prefer the anger and destruction to the darkness and depression. Any day that’s what I prefer.

I’ve been on this new medication for a week. It’s a very low dose so I’m not sure if it isn’t working at all yet, or working adversely. 

Anyways. I’m trying to get my posts out but I have so little energy and so little motivation what little I have I need to prioritize into the stuff necessary for my life to function. If posts come out a little slower than usual, don’t fret too much, they’ll still come. 


  1. Those are the bad times. Focus on getting better, you're worth that. Maybe it's a good thing to take a break? Have a relaxing weekend to try and appease some of the bad? We're all in the same place you know. Holler if you need anything.


  2. You don't have to apologise for anything. You help so much with your blog posts.

  3. Haven,
    There are dark days.
    The world does suck at times.
    It comes at you from all sides.
    You've seen it before.
    You get a pass from "us".
    Take care of you.
    We are here, will continue to be here.
    You have given us so much, you are an incredible person.
    Stay strong, know you are not alone.


  4. You're an amazing person and I love you so very much.

  5. Hang in there. It must be a cycle/seasonal thing- because I can relate, and it seems it's finally culminated to it's peak- I'm awaiting for that decline back to baseline and carry on again with my functional melancholia. This is my first comment after following for a year- and all I can say is it is a good resource and I appreciate your work. Thanks for making a niche for us with BPD, it's been enlightening.


Leave me a comment! It makes me feel good and less paranoid about talking to myself =)

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