Hello Dear Readers! I hope you are all doing incredibly well. Spring is sprung here and things are going really pretty well for me. I hope they’re going well for you too. We can all use some help though, and that help often needs to come from within when we have nowhere else to turn. Learning to change our Self-Talk is a powerful skill to develop in our personal arsenal toward healing.
Affirmations for Borderlines
Changing the Self-Talk Can Be a Powerful Ancillary to BPD Treatments
In the course of their illness, many people living with borderline personality disorder have convinced themselves that they are unlovable. Borderline brains are hard-wired for rejection. This sense of rejection is often reinforced by constant negative self-talk, and borderlines need to change that. Medications, therapy, and education are crucial in this process.
It’s true that many of us are convince that that we are unlovable, but I’m not sure that we have convinced ourselves. I think that we have been convinced. Perhaps it is because we are sensitized to rejection and have picked up on too many cues from our environment and the people in it, but it’s important to remember that many of us have an intense history of abuse and have had it literally and figuratively beat into us that we are unlovable at some point. However once we escape these circumstances, if we are lucky enough to escape these circumstances, yes we do reinforce this with constant negative self-talk.
One way in which the internal self-talk can be changed is through the use of affirmations. Every day, we think between 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts. Of these, roughly 95% are the same thoughts we pretty much think every day. Affirmations can change the direction a borderline's self-talk takes by adding concentrated doses of positive messages.
Affirmations are brief, positive statements with which we surround ourselves or otherwise bring to the fore of our minds.
There are many ways of using affirmations. You can write them down or print them out, then post them in places where you are bound to see them frequently: right on your bathroom mirror, around your PC monitor, on your car's rear view mirror. Get creative. If you have a long commute to work, why not record some affirmations to tape or CD? With sound mixing software like Audacity, you can even add soothing music to your affirmations. There are many websites that offer "podsafe" music, which can be downloaded for free under very generous licensing arrangements. At their simplest, affirmations can be repeated like mantras. In my own experience, I have found that a single affirmation can be repeated about 1,000 times in a space of 20 to 30 minutes. During that time, other thoughts tend to be pushed out of the mind. That's 20 or more minutes when the mind is filled with healing thoughts.
Affirmations are no substitute for medication and therapy, but under proper supervision, they can be a powerful ancillary.
What follows is a series of affirmations I have written for myself. Feel free to use them as you like:
I can tell the difference between my identity and my disease.
Healing is possible.
Today I choose to focus on healing.
My desire to heal is stronger than my pain.
I am my most powerful ally.
I choose to cultivate a healthy relationship with myself.
I choose to have healthy relationships with others.
I choose to stop and think before I act.
It is healthy to consider the consequences of my actions.
Life is worth living.
I choose to accept myself.
It is okay for others to accept and love me.
I draw my strength from my higher power.
I draw strength from solitude.
I am pleased to be in my own company.
I choose to be kind to myself and others.
I choose to refrain from hurting myself.
I choose to refrain from hurting others.
My sense of worth comes from within.
I only need validation from myself.
I choose to stop and think before I act out of anger.
I choose to investigate the feelings my anger is concealing.
I choose to pay close attention to how my actions affect others.
I choose to make amends.
It is okay to ask others how my actions have affected them.
I walk fearlessly through life.
I am safe.
I accept the generosity of the universe.
I deserve to be treated with kindness.
I am trustworthy.
I choose to love myself.
I choose to love others and I accept both, their virtues and their flaws.
I look forward to getting to know myself.
I love all of myself.
Now darling Readers. My homework for you should be obvious. I want you to write a handful of affirmations specific to you and your own situations. Or as many as you can think of. Don’t limit yourself. Feel free to borrow from above but come up with at least two that are specific to you, that highlight a quality that makes you feel good about you. And. And! Remind yourself of these things every day.
In fact. Right them down. Put them next to your bed at night. Read them before you go to bed at night. Make them the first think you do in the morning. Read them before you do anything in the morning. End your day with a positive thought about yourself. Begin your day with a positive thought about yourself.
No matter what happens during the day, the things you have written down won’t have changed. You’ll still be the same person capable of surviving the situation and being able to take care of yourself. Being able to pull your mind out of the abyss, however slowly, until it can finally see the light dawning and shining down on the healing life you want to be living, is one more way you can begin to turn your life around.
It’s not always easy. You may not always remember. But you can always try. I will not lie to you though. No amount of positive self-talk is going to help a soul-crushing heart break. Sometimes you have to bear down, grip your cat tight, and cry your guts out until your throat is so raw you don’t think you’ll ever be able to speak again…. But reminding yourself that you’re strong, you’re a survivor, that you’ve gotten through before and you can again… is an inner power that you should not allow yourself to forget. Even if you don’t feel strong in the moment, surviving is strength. If there’s one thing we are, it’s survivors.