Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Basic Mistakes and some Advice from the Borderline


So here's a reminder from someone that should be a pro at this stuff by now. 

Everyone makes stupid mistakes. 
Remember how I started taking Topamax a little over a month ago? Psychiatrist upped my dosage about a week ago. I was at 25mg for the first two weeks then 50 mg the next two (2 of the 25mg tablets). Then he upped me to 100 mg. 

At the beginning of each week I partition out my weeks meds in my little weekly pill box so I don't miss my daily meds. All responsible like. Right?  

The 25 mg tablets are tiny white tablets. So I think I just assumed that the larger white tablets I was taking were Of Course the bigger version of tiny white Topamax that I'd been taking. And not, my 50mg Trazadone that I take for sleeping... which I hadn't been taking at all for ages because I hadn't needed them. 

I take my meds in the morning. About 15 minutes after I'd taken my "new" meds, and gotten on the road to go to work I'd been exhaustedly tired. I was thinking my "new" dose of meds was just too high and not working for me. It absolutely never occured to me that I had picked up the wrong bottle that one morning and put the wrong meds into my container. 

I don't know how I did it. Maybe I was extra groggy? Maybe I hadn't put my glasses on yet? I picked up the bottle this morning though and realized the pills that I should be taking were smooth and YELLOW... not flat and white. Damn. I've been taking the wrong meds all week completely by accident. I knew something was up, and I even started only taking a half dose of the "new" med and at night b/c I couldn't be tired in the morning haha, but damn, ::sigh::. 

Anyways. The Topamax has been good for me. No real side effects except not being able to taste carbonation as well. I haven't had as much of an appetite so as a result I haven't had any bulimic binges at all in more than a month. Bonus. I also haven't been drinking nearly as much. Double Bonus. 

I have a little confession to make. My eating disordered side is happy and extra happy about this. In a we might be able to escape the bulimia way, and in a we may be able to lean more anorexic way. Which I completely recognize is also not healthy. I'm working on self-acceptance, but I still have a long way to go. I struggle so hard with my body and my body image. I struggle with even wanting to get healthy sometimes. I know I should, but I don't always care about this particular issue. 

All this really tells me, is that I still have work to do, because I'm still battling a sickness here. 

So here's a little piece of advice. Double check those Prescription Labels before you take your meds. Especially Double check them if you're filling up for the whole week. 


  1. Totally understand that ED part of you. Completely.
    My meds don't really affect my appetite but my depression does. When I get properly properly low I lose my appetite, guess which small not of me is pleased? Yup, that ED part.
    Well done on spotting you've been taking the wrong meds & thanks for the advice, good luck with the rest of your week xxx


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