- Most people get angry, are capable of losing their temper, and say things they don’t really mean (or mean but would never typically say) in the heat of the moment. Especially if we’re currently going through a Pushing phase or Baiting & Picking fights. Let’s face it; even the most patient of our loved ones can only take so much, because like the rest of us, they’re only human…. Also we have a tendency to push buttons and attack the sensitive points when we’re going through these times which can inspire some less than sensitive words on their part. This isn’t necessarily emotional abuse though, often it’s a poor choice of words used in self-defense of an attack we’re provoking on their character. Often when tempers calm down though, if it’s followed by an apology, then no it probably wasn’t meant to damage you intentionally.
EDIT: As one commenter noted, when tempers get out of hand, even if the person isn't normally cruel, the words exchanged can be emotionally abusive. From both Nons and Borderlines alike. When I'm angry and threatened I can have a very sharp, sometimes cruel, tongue. Not so much anymore, but I certainly used to. See the picture above. If you hear any of those phrases, that's emotional abuse.
- There are Nons, loved ones, or people that we’ve allowed close to us, that are actually just horrible human beings. Emotional, verbal, mental, physical, or sexual abuse for whatever reason is their choice of communication. Some people have deeper issues of their own. Some people are just assholes. This kind of abuse is often intentional.
EDIT #2: I also wanted to add, that even a few years ago I might not have been able to make this distinction. In the moment of an argument or even just when I'm having an insecure day, it's like my brain automatically assumes all the words coming from someone's mouth are meant to attack me or make me feel bad... or even if they don't specifically aim at me, they bring up ruminations in my mind that make me sad, hurt, angry, and panicky... and then I recognize the other person as the source for creating those ruminations... so somehow it feel s like they're doing something to me (even though clearly they are not!). Everything can feel like a jab, an attack, or a subtle undermining of my character. Hell, I still have these days quite a lot... Especially when someone attempts to explain something to me that clearly indicates they don't think I'm smart enough to have already known. Really they have no idea what I know or not, but anything that feels like a criticism of my intelligence makes me instantly angry. They don't really intend it in any way, but it feels like they do. Fortunately I've learned to recognize this in myself and work on maintaining my composure instead of acting on the impulsively destructive feelings and behaviors.