This post is a going to be a little different. I would like some audience participation please! Feel free to remain Anonymous.
Borderline Personality Disorder is often referred to as a disorder of relationships. Relationships take two and both people are responsible for their words and actions. That said, having BPD brings a lot of additional complications, stress, and outright problems to our relationships. That’s not what I want to focus on today though. What I want to start thinking about is: What exactly is a healing relationship? This is something that is going to be as individual as the person experiencing it.
I’m not talking about building that idealized dream relationship here. I don’t care if Prince or Princess Charming has perfectly white teeth, long flowing black hair, and a master’s degree in basket weaving. These aren’t the things I’m talking about.
It’s good to think about the things that we want from healing relationships and some basic things that we should strive for. Strive for in ourselves, in what we bring to our relationship, and how our relationships contribute to our growth.
I think it’s important to think about, because if you’re anything like me, you may not have a great idea of what a healthy, healing relationship is. Or any idea at all.
So what are some things that can comprise a Healing Relationship?
- When relating to someone in pain, you have to extend yourself and yet remain within your own boundaries at the same time. A healing relationship maintains the proper balance without becoming too enmeshed or too shut down.
- Mutually Empowering: Both partners should support each other and build each other up. No one should tear the other down. This is especially important for those of us with quick tempers and outward acting anger issues that tend to lash out in frustration.
- The ability to look to one another for help and support. Cooperative.
- There is no blaming! This allows people to feel safe to speak up, make mistakes and learn from them. Having a relationship where you feel safe to speak your mind, assert your feelings, and therefore work to meet each other’s needs is pretty essential.
I purposefully don’t want to make this list very long. Once you begin to tally up to many items, the more unobtainable that list becomes to fulfill. I want to think about those big, main things that are necessary for you.
For me personally a healing relationship is:
- One I feel safe within.
- One that allows me to grow.
- To grow within myself and to become the best version of myself.
- One that accepts me. Not one where I feel stifled or feel that I need to hide who I am.
Really that’s what I want at the base. I need to be accepted. I need to grow. I need to be safe.
Healing relationships can be any sort of family, friends, or romantic partners. They can also be temporary. Sometimes we meet people and for whatever reason they have to leave our lives. Just because a relationship doesn’t last forever, til death do you part, does not mean it can’t be meaningful and healing.
So! How about you? What do you need in a healing relationship? What have you found in your previous or current relationships that you find to be very healing?