I’m off my medication right now.
It does not feel good to feel this way when I know there is a better way to feel. Not by choice I assure you. My insurance changed and it doesn’t cover my Pristiq. Pristiq is insanely expensive out of pocket and right now I simply can’t afford it. I’m petitioning my insurance company but it’s taking a very long time. I just found out that part of the reason it’s taking so long is because even though I talked to my Psychiatrists office the day I submitted the request, they have done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to get ahold of my insurance company in order to simply confirm that my medication is necessary. That is all the office has to do, say Yes this medication is necessary, and it will be covered. Call a number, which I found for them, gave to them, tell them Yes, and then the Insurance company will cover it. It’s been weeks. It’s extremely frustrating.
What’s extra aggravating is my pharmacy gives me texts messages to tell me with my prescriptions are filled. Since my prescriptions have been in review my pharmacy told me they would let me know when they were out of review and were ready to be picked up. I’ve gotten four false alarms. It’s not any persons fault. It’s an automated system I believe so there is no person to be angry at. The people at my pharmacy are all very lovely and helpful, but it’s very stressful to get your hopes up that something finally worked out only to find out that, yet again, nothing actually happened. Disheartening really.
My emotions and my moods have been back on edge for some time now. It’s amazing to realize how much my medication evens out my depression and stabilizes the turmoil. I feel like there’s a thin glass panel barely concealing what is roiling there sometimes. Fortunately I’ve had enough years in therapy that my self-awareness of what I’m experiencing is now controllable and I’ve learned to express what I’m feeling in a workable manner. It doesn’t feel good though. Not at all.
I’m sad so much more now. And much more anxious. Especially with a new relationship I also feel my old insecurities popping back up and I second guess myself all the time once more. He’s been good for me though. Where I think I would have been simply depressed I’ve found a lot of happiness lately and that’s been amazing. Though I do find that I get exhausted a bit more quickly, and stressed out more easily if something triggers me. Fortunately my communication is very good now and it’s fairly easy to talk through that. It’s good to have all those therapeutic techniques to back me up when I don’t have my medication to stabilize my brain chemicals. He seems to understand that too, and is okay with it.
I really don’t know how much longer I can stand not having my SNRI though. This is not a fun feeling.