One of the reasons I think things wound us so quickly, and so deeply, is that very often we never learned to recognize and internalize a sense of our own self-worth.
I’m saying this immediately. Just because we have a hard time recognizing it, or seeing it at all, does not mean it is not there.
Growing up I always felt that everything I did was never good enough, that I was never good enough. So now, at even the slightest rejection, or perception of rejection, I feel absolutely worthless. I was never really taught to internalize a sense of my own self-worth. Often I think this is why we can have such a need, such a desire, for someone to recognize our worth for us. We need that external validation, because we never learned to recognize it internally.
However this is also why at even the slightest perception of rejection or abandonment we can react so volatilely to our loved ones; it would be the actualization of our fear that we are in fact, worthless. And also, why we can so desperately need them to forgive us, and come back, to reaffirm that we are not.
Unfortunately when you look for validation externally, in a world, and in people and are never going to be perfect, who have their own flaws and own lives, no matter how well intentioned or loving, it will always end up being a recipe for disaster because they can never fill a void of self-worth that is inside of us. Relying on an external source is tenuous at best, and is what often leads to that crippling sense of self-doubt, misery, loneliness, never feeling that you will ever be good enough….
It is important that we learn to develop our own sense of self-worth. It is important that we learn to look within ourselves in order to find that sense of self-worth and not rely on external validation, on other people to tell us that we are valuable. Believe me! I know this is difficult. I think this is the crux of what I have been struggling with lately. It is in no way something that changes over night, and may take years to fully transform… but it can be done. Even if it’s just taking a good look in the mirror and telling yourself that you’re worth it. You may not believe it at first, but do it anyways.
More on this to come. These are just some thoughts for today.